The hardest part about reconciliation is admitting that we don't have what it takes to do it ourselves. I want to be forgiving, but I am so torn up inside by the unrealistic, unfair and inordinate demands made upon me that I can't forgive.
I want to be humble, and let the criticism roll off of my back. I want to stand speechless as Christ did in front of the Sanhedrin and take the abuse. But inside I am crying out "It's just not fair!"
So, for today, my prayer, no my mantra has become Lord for this moment give me the will to forgive, because right now I just don't have it.
I hope someday that I will have the will, and then someday I will feel the forgiveness.
It could happen.