Thursday, March 23, 2006

The Hard Work of Reconciling Ourselves

The hardest part about reconciliation is admitting that we don't have what it takes to do it ourselves. I want to be forgiving, but I am so torn up inside by the unrealistic, unfair and inordinate demands made upon me that I can't forgive.

I want to be humble, and let the criticism roll off of my back. I want to stand speechless as Christ did in front of the Sanhedrin and take the abuse. But inside I am crying out "It's just not fair!"

So, for today, my prayer, no my mantra has become Lord for this moment give me the will to forgive, because right now I just don't have it.

I hope someday that I will have the will, and then someday I will feel the forgiveness.

It could happen.


1 comment:

Suzanne said...

Let go for your own self. You do deserve that. No matter how this part hurts, you have not earned the right to beat your insides and heart up about it. God is pleased with all that you try to do...every good thing that has been because you love Him! Know this and let it be ... those others, they are human beings. We'll never be able to figure it all out. We just won't. Look back on every good gift that you gave.
Try to reflect on each soul that you affected and touched them with God's love. THAT is what counts and you are not done yet. He isn't done with you yet, unless you are done. There is just so so much out there to do! Amen... God bless.