Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Where is God?

I went for my monthly Spiritual Direction visit today. After listening to me recount my life as I have lived it over the last month - trying to juggle being a mother, wife, student, daughter, housekeeper (yeah, a lot of that has gotten done this last month) friend, sister, evangelist, pilgrim, etc, etc. Fr. had the nerve to ask "where do you find God in all of this?"

I sat there in stunned silence for a moment, thinking.

It was then I realized, God must be here, in the midst of the struggle, and the anguish over the essays and the rush to cook dinner for a family that I have all but ignored all day trying to get something on paper. He must be somewhere in the piles of laundry that go unwashed another day as I struggle to fit in one more visit to Mrs Alzheimer's, who doesn't care that I am there and really doesn't want me to visit anyway. There is a grace in all of this even if the grace isn't bringing with it the peace that I normally feel.

The Israelites in the desert didn't feel a great deal of peace I am guessing, but God was with them every step of their journey testing them, making them stronger and proving them to be His people.

So, I came away from Spiritual Direction with the promise that God is with me in the struggle that I find myself in at the present moment. So long as I keep taking the next step of faith and making the next right decision God will guide me through and eventually I will regain that sense of peace and balance that I need in my life.

Let's just hope that happens before I lose all my pretty marbles mkay?


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