In the John Irving Book "The World According to Garp" there is a great line about Graduate School, actually being 'gradual school’ because that is where you go to gradually learn that you no longer want to be in school.
Unfortunately for me, I'm not even through my first year of gradual school and I am fast approaching never wanting to go back.
I say that in a half hearted way. I love my school. I am learning so very much, and the people I attend classes with have become so very special to me. I just don't like feeling pressured constantly, and there are days when all I feel about school is pressure.
I know that God wants me to be there. I know that everything I am learning is going to benefit not only me, but also those to whom I minister. I just don't like constantly feeling under the hammer.
So I have decided I need to begin a new prayer novena (for those of you not Catholic a novena is nine days (weeks, months) of prayer for a specific intention. This comes from the nine days between Jesus' assension into heaven and the descent of the Holy Spirit on Pentecost during which time the apostles and Mary and others prayed together in the upper room. My new novena will be for the intention of having the will to survive in Gradual school.
I have also decided, that from now on I am going to try to remember that I am there to learn, not to be top Dog, not to get the highest grades, but to learn everything I am capable of learning while I am there.
Oh well, back to reading about divine revelation. If I can stay awake.
Pax
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2 comments:
School was a challenge when it was the main focus of my life. Being a working mom as well as a gradual student must create such an attitude, as you describe it, of being "constantly under the hammer."
Well, as you recognize, it is God's hammer. Here's to our constant reshaping on his anvil. And we don't get to pick our shape or when the blows hit. We just get to be a beautiful creation to be used in the world.
Thanks for the "reality check" Meg. I know that God has me doing all of these things because he loves me so much and is working dillegently to mold me into the creation He envisioned when He created me. I just wish he would set me on a shelf and move on to another jar so I could rest.
Sigh! To those whom much is given, much is expected.
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