Monday, April 23, 2007

Mental Pause Moment #4 Gravity is Not My Friend! With a Nod to Kurt Vonnegut RIP

In one of my favorite Kurt Vonnegut books there has been an alteration in the earth's gravitational pull. Some days gravity is too strong and everyone must crawl around on the ground due to the excessive force holding them too tightly. Other days people almost float above the ground.

On the light gravity days the male main character notes other physiologically interesting and not altogether unpleasing aspects of the affect of the less than normal gravitational pull especially on his nether-regions.

What you might ask, does this have to do with my latest mental pause moment realization. Well, my dears I have found that as a woman grows older even the normal pull of earth's gravity is very unkind to her.

Everything on a woman's body begins to shift downward. It takes great effort, and some interesting feats of undergarment construction to keep her anatomical parts where they were intended to be and happily stayed, unfettered, in her younger years. You will find very few Peri-menopausal or early menopausal women who are willing to stand naked in front of a full length mirror because to do so will cause her to break down into tears or laughter. If she is capable of laughter at the sight of her entire anatomy shifting toward the center of the earth she is much better off.

For me it is harder to look in the mirror at night after I have brushed my teeth and see my face sagging. It reminds me a bit of those Nazis in Raiders of the Lost Ark after they dared to open the Ark of the Covenant. Only I don't think it is fair that I don't even get to look upon the face of God before my skin begins to slowly melt off of my face. Granted my melting skin will take much longer to actually separate from my bone structure than those poor Nazis, but darn it I still don't see the justice.

So, as in all the other things about Mental Pause, I just have to come to this realization. Either I learn to live with these changes, or I can take the drastic measures like some celebrities who have had so much plastic surgery that whenever they wink their toes curl. No thanks, that isn't for me either.

I will admit to using a night firming cream. I only wish I could use this stuff on other parts of my body, sadly you aren't supposed to take baths in the stuff.

And so I leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Mr Vonnegut:

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion.

I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.


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