Training in Spiritual Direction

I spent four grueling years working towards a Masters of Arts in Catholic Theology because for most of that time the job I had required that I have that degree. Unfortunately for me, because of a pastoral change, the new parish priest decided that the parish didn't need someone with a Master's Degree, and for other personal reasons it became apparent that it was time to move on from that position. It took a year of prayer and discernment for me to come to that decision, but I was able to do so.

After in my final year of Grad School, with the help of my Spiritual Director and more prayer and discernment I tried to determine what I should do next. He was the one who cautioned me not to move until the Spirit moved me, and it wasn't until someone suggested to me that I would make a good Spiritual Director that it even occurred to me that I should even pursue that avenue. Every time I prayed about Spiritual Direction, the Spirit would well up within me and I would feel moved in that direction, while when I prayed about any other vocational choices I would feel no movement of the spirit at all, and believe me, I had been exploring options, even to the point of applying for a job as campus minister at a local university.

I searched for a Spiritual Direction training program and found one that met my needs. While it was an ecumenical program it was at a Catholic institution, and it was grounded in the Catholic faith. It began with the history of spirituality dating back to the desert fathers and leading up to an in depth study of John of the Cross, Ignatius and Teresa of Avilla as Spiritual Masters. Because of the ecumenical nature of the program, it also included a few sessions on Quaker discernment and Praying the Labyrinth.

What I have learned is to take everything in with a discerning heart. The program offers this information for our edification. Considering the fact that when I do begin my career as a spiritual director I will be working with Catholic directees the chance that I will use the Quaker spirituality that I am learning will come into play is probably not very likely. I will be more likely to be guiding my directees toward the historical tradition of the Church. But having said that, I am glad that I have been exposed to the other spiritualities and to the other people in my program who aren't Catholic because I have learned a great deal about spirituality and prayer from them.

I look at it as the same reason as having had to study philosophy when I was in Gradual School. Some of the modern philosophers were for the most part trying to explain the ontological arguments while excluding any reference to God. Studying these philosophers didn't harm my faith, but rather it strengthened it by helping me to understand and define what it is that I do believe. I can be exposed to these things in my training program without accepting them as Big T Truth as I do the tenets of my Catholic faith and Tradition.

Suffice it to say I am not going to emerge from this training program spouting some "new age" spirituality when I have a deep well of two thousand years of Tradition and Spirituality from which to draw.

Pax

Transitions

Today was the end of my first year of Spiritual Direction Internship. I went into this year thinking that maybe I had the charism needed to do this type of work and this first year has been a steady affirmation of that in my head and in my heart.

I have learned so much about spirituality that I just didn't know before, and then this last few months I have been immersed in a world of the mystics that have brought into focus a lot of my personal journey of faith over the past ten years or so. It is as though now I see clearly what I only understood in a very superficial way when it was actually happening to me.

Which just leads me to believe that I was meant to go through this internship at this point in time, regardless if I ever spend one moment as a spiritual director myself, so that I could process what has been happening in my own spiritual life.

That would be completely enough, but to be honest, I am excited about the two directees that I will be meeting beginning next month. The thought of using the knowledge I have gained to help someone else navigate their own spiritual journey makes the spirit well up within me and at the same time brings on a sense of great humility. That I will be allowed privy to someone else's journey toward the heart of God is so humbling.

I know I am ready for this, I have been trained well. I just need to stop my knees from knocking together so that I will be able to hear the directee's story as it is being told. The Holy Spirit will do the rest.

Pax

A Reflective Week

This has been an interesting week for me. It was the first week of my new semester in my Spiritual Direction Internship. This semester "the gloves come off" so to speak and we actually have to begin to perform the task of spiritual direction in a very structured and supervised environment directing our fellow classmates.

This semester also the topics go even deeper into the realm of spirituality; for instance the first topic on Tuesday was Spirituality and Social Justice. For three hours we delved into the true biblical meaning of justice and how counter-cultural it is to contemporary societies meaning of justice in many ways. It was an intense morning to say the least.

I volunteered to be a Guinea pig directee for the first session of Spiritual direction in our afternoon session. One of our instructors was the Director, and was showing the other classmates how to conduct a direction session. I was told to come prepared with a topic to discuss, so I had been thinking over the weekend about something that I have been trying to figure out for a while. I didn't expect much, since the session was only going to be 20 minutes long, but what happened was an extremely intense spiritual experience in which I was able to unpack not only why I have been struggling with this issue, but also to explore an even deeper understanding of how I see God and God's love and care for me.

By the end of the time I had laughed and cried and found a resolution to my dilemma that will keep me in a volunteer ministry that I love doing but that had been causing me great distress for quite some time, because I am doing it for the right reason, and my human, faulty gift to that ministry is worth giving.

Then yesterday as the angelbaby and I were driving to school, the car transmission went out and we got stranded on the side of the road in the freezing cold. As we were sitting there assessing our situation the angelbaby was trying to find something to be optimistic about and realized that had the car gone out earlier in the week mrangelmeg would have still been away on his work trip and not blessedly a local call away to handle calling for son-and-heir to come pick us up, and a tow truck to pick up the car and tow it to the shop.

I am constantly amazed at how many faith lessons I learn from my youngest child. We still don't know the extent of the car's problems, and may have to make a decision as to whether it is even worth it to sink a bunch of money into a 10 year old car, but we at least have son-and-heir's car to share for a few days and the girls all have Martin Luther King Jr Day off on Monday.

After sitting here this morning and reflecting on my week, I have come to realize that God carefully orders our steps. I am so blessed that I have this family that is filled with people who are so willing to pitch in and get the job done.

Next week it is my turn to be Spiritual Director for the first time. I have no illusions that I will be as masterful as my instructor was, but if I learned anything from my session of direction this week it is that anything worth doing is worth beginning poorly because you can't begin to improve unless you begin.

Pax

This Might Turn Out to Be Interesting

So mrangelmeg is away at his final (almost, he actually missed one so he has a make-up one to take in the spring) Masters Class this week in Indianapolis, which happens to be where I have to go for my class today.

Since the older kids are old enough to take care of the angelbaby and have volunteered to make sure she gets on the bus and make sure she gets her homework done and feed her dinner and stuff, I am going to stay over night with mrangelmeg tonight for a little getaway.

Last month I just waited at the place where I had class till he got out of class and I left my car there and he came over and picked me up. This time though I get out of class at noon and he doesn't get done till after 6, so I have to drive down into downtown Indy (which I hate) to the hotel on my own and get a key from the desk and check into the hotel and hang out for the afternoon and wait for him.

I was going to go straight over, but I think I will go visit my mom at her nursing home and then go over to the hotel. I just hope they remember that I am coming. When a woman shows up at the desk and demands a key to her husband's room are they going to be all Yeah Right who does she think she is!

This could be fun.

Pax

The End Is Near . . . or maybe it is just a resting point . . .

My first Semester is coming swiftly to a close. I have one more reflection assignment where I have to answer some questions about my first semester, and I have a synthesis experience (whatever that means) on Tuesday. Then I will have completed my first grueling semester of my Spirtual Direction Internship.

As I write these words I have just unpacked the box from Amazon which included the books for my second semester:

The Holy Longing by Ronald Rolhieser,
Holy Listening by Margaret Guenther
The Discerning Heart by Maureen Conroy
Interior Castle by Teresa of Avilla
and The Impact of God (John of the Cross) by Iain Matthew

I am actually really excited about the selection of books. They are all very interesting and cover areas of spirituality that will make me a much better director when it comes time next fall to actually take my first directee.

Knowing how this semester went though I have forewarned for next semester and will get a jump start on the reading a bit in November and December so that I can be a bit ahead of the game when it the semester starts.

We also begin to practice "doing direction" next semester with direct supervision. Instead of the five minute mini session we have had in our classroom this semester, next semester we will actually be doing half hour session with feedback from the observers and our supervising instructors. All I can say about this is YIPPEE!!! I want someone to help me to ask the right questions, and help me to help those who come to me. I am a bit scared, but I am ready to try.

In fact I am so willing to try, that I am signed up to be the first Guinea pig ( I am going to be the first directee for the first session when our supervising instructor goes through a session with the class watching. As directee you have to go into the session as if you are really going to direction (this isn't play acting folks -- I have cried every time I have done one of these sessions, so far even for five minute sessions, so I can imagine what a 30 minute session will be like.)

I realize that no matter how much practice I get, that first time I sit down with a directee I am going to think "holy crud, what I am trying to do here." but the more practice I get and the more faithful I am to the process they are putting me through the more carefully the Holy Spirit will be preparing me so that when I do start taking directees I won't feel as though I am wasting their time.

I know this is what God wants me to do. I just have to be faithful to the process so that the work that needs to be done in me can be done to prepare me for the work that needs to happen in others.

I have a lot of things to keep me going before January. Even if there isn't an assignment due every week for a while.

Pax

Procrastination Blues

One would think that the writer in me would love this Spiritual Direction Internship in which I am currently enrolled as a student. Each week practically there is a five page reflection paper on some aspect of our journey of discovery, and along with that I have gotten to read four amazing books and five really good articles.

The problem is that I never quite got over my habit of putting off until the last minute any homework that didn't have a due date absolutely staring me in the face. So while I have kept up admirably with most of the reflection papers and book summaries, I am woefully behind on the article reflections.

Suffice it to say that out of the five articles I have read this semester I have summarized only one. The due date for the summaries is now staring me in the face and I have to kick it into gear and while I am doing laundry today (and driving the girls to class and all the other little chores on my well stocked plate) I have to somehow squeeze in four article summaries.

Maybe I had better rethink my strategy for next semester do you reckon? Yeah right, that's gonna happen!

Lucky for me I am not the designated driver to class tomorrow, so if I have to stay up late to get things done at least I won't be falling asleep at the wheel on my way to Indianapolis in the morning. God takes care of fools, or so I have heard.

Better get to work.

Pax

Nature (and motherhood) Abhors a Vacuum

It is Tuesday, a day when I am usually rushing to get to my internship in Indianapolis to spend a day being a Spiritual Direction Intern immersed in talk of God, spirituality and being other centered. But this happens to be the one Tuesday a month that we get off to allow us time to catch up on the paperwork involved in the program.

Well actually I happen to be a bit ahead of the game in terms of paperwork for my internship because I got two papers written this Sunday when my tummy was acting up so I had really intended to take the day off and rejuvenate my spirit by being a bit lazy. But, motherhood like nature abhors the vacuum of unscheduled time.

By early evening yesterday I had been delegated at least four kid related errands to be accomplished today that will eat up my glorious free day. These activities must be accomplished today and will involve my driving all over town (in at least three directions anyway).

Oh well, I can be lazy when I am old and feeble. I can spend today taking care of the needs of my beautiful children. Besides this is more training on being other centered and helping me to see that it isn't all about me, so: It's all good.

Pax.

What I'm Reading Now

This is the next book I have to read for my internship. It is written by a protestant author and is a guidebook for the spiritual journey. Each chapter is punctuated with reflection questions and quotes from the spiritual masters and other bits of help for the journey.

So far (I am only on the first chapter) I am finding it pretty slow reading, perhaps because I can't decide if I should be reading straight through the chapter without stopping for the extras, or if I should be reading the extras in the context of the chapter in which they come. So sometimes I backtrack an entire page to read the extras within the context, only to decide that it wasn't really worth the effort.

Oh well, I will eventually find a workable rhythm I am sure.

Pax

BAck in the Saddle Again . . .

So, here I am on a Sunday afternoon, reading and taking notes for a class. Is it deja vu all over again or am I really studying for a new program so quickly after graduation? AM I NUTS?

At least the first chapter of this book is extremely familiar territory, as the early mystics are Clement, Origin, Antony, you know, the guys we learned about in Early Church History. The book even gives some equal time to Maryof Egypt, Macrina, and the Mary/Martha question of contemplation vs action, so women are equally present in the early history of Christian mysticism.

I think this will probably be a quick read, and am hoping that is so, because I hear that two of the other books that are due later in the semester are a bit harder to get through, so the quicker I finish this one the sooner I can move on to the next one.

Each book requires a five-page analysis of the relevance of the material to my journey of spiritual enlightenment. My plan is to write the papers as soon as I complete the book rather than waiting until they are due (the first one is due in mid September). I am still not familiar with the reflection process that they use, and want time to work with the reflection questions and get my thoughts in line and hopefully the class discussions that are supposed to coincide with each of the books will help to crystallize my reflection, maybe. The nicest thing is that this paper isn't going to be graded, it is really more for my benefit and growth, so the deeper I can get into the process of mining the benefits or struggles from the book the better it will be for me.

I had better get back to it. Hope your Sabbath is as peaceful.

Pax