When It All Feels Like Too Much . . .

I am sitting here at my computer trying to begin one of my essays, but I am completely devoid of anything pertinent to say on the subject of Heresies in the ancient church. I am also waiting for return calls from my mother's lawyer and nursing home. I am also waiting for the delivery of a mower that mrangelmeg sent out to be fixed, which is supposed to be delivered this morning.

My suitcase is on the floor beside my chair, still half-packed from the two day car ride with-funeral that I just returned from Tuesday. That might be a good thing because most of the clothes that are still in the suitcase are clean: I will just tell mrangelmeg that I am getting a head start on my packing for the weekend. I am taking a short trip to visit friends and spend Saturday researching for my papers in my Gradual School Library (an award winning piece of architectural beauty I might add). Yeah, I am just starting to pack early.

Mrangelmeg informed me last night that he will be gone part of the next two weeks, and I should get used to this pattern because for the foreseeable future this is his life; he will be home long enough each week to pay bills and exchange his clothes for clean ones and hopefully attend Mass as a family before he will be off again. The bright side is that he will be racking up tons of frequent flyer miles I suppose.

I know that we are told that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I have often said (and really feel this way at this moment) that my shoulders must look a lot more broad and strong from his perspective in heaven than they actually are. I am feeling slightly overwhelmed at this moment.

And yet, the Office of readings this morning was again from the book of Wisdom:

For Wisdom is mobile beyond all motion,
and she penetrates and pervades all things by reason of her purity.
For she is an aura of the might of God
and a pure effusion of the glory of the Almighty;
therefore nought that is sullied enters into her.

For she is the refulgence of eternal light,
the spotless mirror of the power of God,
the image of his goodness.
And she, who is one, can do all things,
and renews everything while herself perduring;
And passing into holy souls from age to age,
she produces friends of God and prophets.
For there is nought God loves, be it not one who dwells with Wisdom.

For she is fairer than the sun and surpasses every constellation of the stars.
Compared to light, she takes precedence;
for that, indeed, night supplants,
but wickedness prevails not over Wisdom.
-Wisdom 7:15-30

I suppose that the Wisdom I received this morning is that when it all seems like too much, stop trying to do it all by yourself. I will rely upon Wisdom (a woman you will note from the text) and leave my cares in God's capable hands. I am sure She can handle them much better than I can.

Maybe what I need right now is a nice cup of tea.

Pax

Funerals aren't all bad

God was so present on Tuesday at my Aunt's funeral it made us all joyful.


The first incidence was when I opened my Daily Office for that day and the first reading for the Office of Readings was

But the souls of the just are in the hand of God,

and no torment shall touch them.
They seemed, in the view of the foolish, to be dead;

and their passing away was thought an affliction
and their going forth from us, utter destruction.

But they are in peace.

For if before men, indeed, they be punished,

yet is their hope full of immortality;
Chastised a little, they shall be greatly blessed,

because God tried them and found them worthy of himself.
As gold in the furnace, he proved them,

and as sacrificial offerings he took them to himself.

In the time of their visitation they shall shine,

and shall dart about as sparks through stubble;
They shall judge nations and rule over peoples,

and the LORD shall be their King forever.
Those who trust in him shall understand truth,

and the faithful shall abide with him in love:

Because grace and mercy are with his holy ones,

and his care is with the elect.

Wisdom 3:1-9

Then it turned out that this was also one of the readings that they had chosen for Aunt Mary's mass. It was so affirming especially because my closest cousin left the church nearly 20 years ago and has been a Baptist lo these many years. She just recently picked up a Catholic Women's Devotional Bible and has been using it for her morning scripture study and has been GREATLY moved by the affirmation and help she has found in its pages. For us to discover together that the Church in her infinite wisdom had chosen that specific reading for the exact day of her mom's funeral was such an eye opening God-incidence for her.

The Cantor for the Mass sang Panis Angelicus in English. This is possibly one of my favorite hymns but I had never actually heard the English lyrics before and was amazed at how beautiful they are. (Score one big one for the vernacular)

It rained pretty much the entire day, (Aunt Mary always said "It's good for the ducks" on rainy days) but just as the service at the graveside was ending and we were walking back to the cars a ray of sunshine broke through the clouds.

I was able to give some good counsel to my cousins who are dealing also with their father's increased dementia and have placed him in a nursing home. He didn't even make it to the funeral because he is so far gone. I kept reassuring them that they should not tell him that Mary is dead. For him she can always remain alive. When he asks when he will see her they can say, "She had to go to the Dr. today but she will come tomorrow." She will always be on her way to see him, with his memory loss that will be enough to reassure him.

I spent a lot of time getting acquainted or reacquainted with my cousins and their husbands, wives and children. One of the kids, a very astute 14 year old boy said "I hate that the only time I get to see all of my cousins is at funerals." A greater truth could not be spoken about families.

My sister and brother and I all came away feeling very blessed that we have such a great extended family and we need to keep in touch with everyone.

I got home to my family about 8:30 and my kids were actually happy to see me.

Will wonders never cease.

Thanks to everyone who sent prayers and condolences.

Pax

Twisted Theology: The Unforgiving Tree

h/t to Paul Stokell
Actually it was via his facebook page.

Pax

A Sad but Necessary Trip

Tomorrow morning I will be leaving to drive up to where I grew up to attend the funeral of my Aunt. This trip while very sad is also necessary. Family needs family around them at a time like this and my cousin and I were very close growing up.

My brother is already there and will be meeting my sister (whom I am picking up on the way) and I when we get there tomorrow afternoon. There will be many blessings on this trip, one of which is that this will be a Catholic funeral. I think I have blogged before about my aversion to funerals in other denominations. There is something both sad and joyful about a Mass of Christian Burial. It is one of the things we Catholics do right.

I will be driving back on Tuesday after the funeral. I am hoping to stop by the cemetery where my dad is buried at some point in this short trip. It has been probably ten years since the last time I visited his grave site.

I am going to pack my reading, but who knows (or cares really ) if I will actually have the time to read any of it.

I really don't like long driving trips. I am hoping that I can convince my sister to drive part of the way both ways.

Keep me in your prayers.

Pax

What An Afternoon!!

Colts 30

Texans 24

This game was fun to watch, even if the sideline commentary on NBC was decidedly pro Houston for most if not all of the game.

Colts are now 3-0 and lead their division, as if there would be any doubt.

Pax

A Moment of Silence Please

About two weeks ago my Uncle Chuck, (My mother's brother) died at the age of 83. I couldn't get to the funeral because mom was in the hospital at the time. We have decided to not tell her that he died, because in her demented state she won't remember and each time someone has to tell her that he is dead she will mourn all over again.

Just this morning I received word that my Aunt Mary (my father's brother's wife) died. She had been ill herself for a long time and she finally couldn't hold on anymore. Her husband, my uncle, is suffering from dementia, and has been placed in a hospital as the first step to transferring him to a nursing home. (I will be able to counsel the family on what to expect having just gone through it with my mom.)

I am going to try to get to the funeral this time because I couldn't last time. The two families live in the same city.

I am not devastated by these deaths because I know that my aunt and uncle are no longer in pain, but I am very concerned about how my aunt's family will handle the stress of losing a mother and having to put their dad in a nursing home.

Please say a quick prayer for the repose of the souls of Chuck and Mary, and for comfort for their families.

Pax

Callback to Bob & Tom Show this morning. . .

Mike Birbiglia is extremely thin and funny.

And on Tour.

H/t to the Bob and Tom Show.

Pax

Avast me hearty Get your eyepatch ready . . .

Today, Septembree 19th be International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Join th' fun,

Get yer own Pirate Name

(mine be

Scribe Jane

Answer the phone with a hearty arrrr instead of hello.

Order yer fish an' chips in a shipmate accent.

Be darin' an' wear an eye-patch, or a bandanna around yer hade.

Reckon 'tis all in fun.

Ya horn swogglin' bilge rat!

Translation help from

here

Pax

From the Fruits of my Labors . . .

From time to time I will be including quotes from the works I am reading as research for my finals essays.

Today's quote comes from The Decree of the Holy Office (1690 AD)

It is not licit to follow a (probable) opinion,

even the most probable among the probable ones.


For those of you who don't read Church-Speak this document

was the first salvo in the campaign to:

Just Say No To Relativism

Pax

B.R.A meme, Are you Thinking What I am Thinking?

Okay, so I will have to admit that when my friend and alumnus of my Gradual School Paul sent me a comment saying he was going to "hit me with the BRA meme" my first thought was does his wife know that he plays with bras. Maybe I am tired, or maybe The Christian Faith in the Doctrinal Documents of the Catholic Church which I have been perusing today to see what I can use in my essays has finally pushed me over the edge.


I am honored that he has chosen to put me in the company of the other bloggers he wrote about, even if he did get a few details wrong (I live in south central Indiana, not northern, and I am actually an MA candidate not an MTS)


That being said, and really needing something to distract me after an entire day with Neuner and Dupuis (see above) I will gladly play along.





Here are the rules:





1. Copy these rules.


2. Reflect on five bloggers and write a least a paragraph about each one.


3. Make sure you link to this post so others can read it and the rules.


4. Leave your chosen bloggers a comment to let them know they've been given the award.


5. Put the award icon on your site

In no particular order I will reflect on:

Adoro te devote I came across this blog through a fortuitous link from another blog. I have been a loyal reader ever since that first visit. With deeply personal reflections on work, life and pets, she is a real inspiration to me. She is just beginning her Masters work as I am ending mine albeit at different Gradual Schools. I wish her much luck and encouragement on her journey.

Ironic Catholic My week would not be complete without a stop at this wonderful blog that is part religious truth part total LOL funny sarcasm. I have been a loyal reader for a long time now and am in awe of her wit and wisdom. If you haven't read her 100 Ironic reasons to be Catholic (in groups of ten) it is worth an afternoon of checking her archives.

. . .And I Let Myself be Duped is the blog of Mark Mossa SJ, a Jesuit Scholastic who has been chronicling his life and studies for the priesthood. I count Mark as a very dear friend that I have never actually met in person; but hope to someday. He has always had a word of encouragement or some other helpful tidbit (like the paper on Substance he sent me when I was suffering through taking my first ever philosophy class was like a lifeline in a very stormy sea.

Martha Martha is another of my earliest finds in the Blogosphere. Penni is so openly honest about her joys and struggles with her faith that she reminds me that we are all still "working out our salvation with fear and trembling.: She has possibly the most visually stunning site of anyone I know on the Internet. A few months of reading her posts is like an adult education class in Art Appreciation. Not to mention all of the scripture and inspirational posts she includes.

And finally but in no way least:

Maior autem his est caritas is the blog of Gashwin Gomes (not his real name). This is a gentleman who was raised in India but is currently a resident of the American South. Of late his blog has been an amazing travelogue that makes my head spin (me who has never left the North American Continent save a three month diversion in Hawaii at 13). He has chronicled the illness and death of his father in a way that is deeply moving. Not only is he one of my regular reads, he is in my daily prayers.

Five is entirely too few choices for this kind of award, but I will leave all my other blogger pals to the mercy of God.

I hope you enjoy these blogs especially if you haven't ever visited them.

Pax

Don't Wait

We have all expressed the sentiment, "When I have enough time I am going to . . ." If I have learned anything in the time that I have been taking care of mom the one thing that is completely clear to me is Don't Wait!

I think that is one of the reasons that I began taking piano lessons a few years ago, and why mrangelmeg and I started taking ballroom dance lessons. Those are two things I have always wanted to be able to do, and kept telling myself that someday I would have the time for them. Then my mom got Alzheimer's disease, and I watched her run out of time.

Don't wait to do that thing you have always wanted to do, make every day of your life an adventure in learning new things and having new experiences.

I complain constantly about Gradual School, but I am so happy that I am doing that too. To think that just five years ago I was terrified to even start the process, and now I am very close to completing my degree.

I took up golf when mrangelmeg and I first got married so that we could spend time together. Over the years I haven't played all that much, but this summer the few times I played were very enjoyable. I am so glad I didn't just wish I had tried it.

So, my advice to all of you this Monday morning is NOW IS THE TIME . . .

to begin dance lessons.

to learn a new language.

to learn to knit or crochet.

to build that boat you have always wanted to build.

to write that novel or screenplay.

to take that trip to Ireland.

to tell everyone you love that you do love them.

to spend quiet time with the one you love.

to be adventurous.

because some day soon, it may be too late to do all those things.

Pax

This is What I Have Been Doing This Afternoon

Indianapolis 22

Tennessee 20

What a game!!!!!

This one went right down to the wire, but my guys pulled it out just the same.

Just in case you wondered what my attire is for watching Colts games this season I have posted a picture of the jersey I have on.

Go Colts!

Pax

I Will Either be Enlightened or Insane . . . Here's to Enlightenment

So I have begun the arduous task of researching my finals questions. One thing that was really reassuring to me is that when I took a really good look at my bookshelves today I found quite a bit of information on the three topics right in my very own library!

I suppose that means that I must have learned some of this stuff during my four years of gradual school because the lion's share of books in my library are textbooks for classes I have taken. Although I do love the Red Cross Book Fair every year and usually come home with a big box of books on theology and religion.

I have begun to read through the books and put post-it tabs on pages that will be useful in my essays. Now I just have to figure out how to start the essays.

I suppose it would make more sense to do them one at a time in sequential order, but I know myself too well to think that is how I will do them. I will most likely work on one until I am stuck and then move onto another topic for a bit and probably end up working on all three simultaneously. So long as I get them done by November 18th (they are due November 20th so I want to give myself a few days advance to get them in).

I have decided to set up a small table in my bedroom (my computer is in the bedroom.) so that I can keep all the books and articles organized by topic. Mrangelmeg shouldn't mind it will be on my side of the room.

If anyone needs prayers please let me know, I will offer up all of my "suffering" as I write these essays for the needs of other people. That way my suffering becomes salvific and not a useless endeavor.

I may not be able to write on my blog as often. On the other hand I may post snippets of my work to get reaction from my loyal readers (all three of you).

The Weather Outside is . . .

abso-freakin-lutly amazing!

So what have I been doing this amazing late summer day?


Laundry,


and


Researching heresies for one of my final essays.


I even have the shades pulled on my bedroom window so I won't feel too bumbed out about being stuck inside on a day like this.

May there be many more.

Pax

From the look of these Final Questions . . .

the administrators at my Gradual School must think I actually learned stuff from all these classes! Dang, that means I actually have to do stuff to answer them, like actually go into the library on campus and use Internet journal searches.

So much for my having any kind of meaningful social life for the next two months while I get these essays researched and written.

Maybe I should have tried to retain all that stuff I was learning in the classes I took.

Oh well, at least I will be learning something now.

Pax

Does This Mean . . .

So, here I am at my gradual school and I have this promise with God that if I wake up in time for morning prayer I will go (the monks pray vigil and lauds at 5:30 in the morning.)

I thought for sure I wouldn't hear the bells since they are very hard to hear in the guesthouse where I am staying this weekend, but that didn't matter because I woke up and looked at the clock and it was 5:10 a.m. Since I have this promise with God I had to get up and go to prayer even though the bells didn't wake me up.

So I went to prayer and was rewarded by getting to hear one of my professors who happens to be a monk be cantor (he has a very nice singing voice, among other of his attributes - we call him Br. Mcdreamy)

I also got this message from today's psalmody:

They performed his signs among them, and miracles in the land of Ham. (psalm 105:27)

I am hoping that this is a portent of things to come and since this is a feast day we will be getting bacon with breakfast this morning.

Hey, stop laughing, it could happen!

Pax

Update

Colts 41 - Saints 10!





Take that every critic who says we don't have the skill to be a powerhouse team!!!








The Defense Rocked last night. And while the offense took a bit of time warming up Peyton Manning played an awesome second half (something he is becoming very skilled at doing) . Which just goes to show you can't count the Colts out when they are down (or tied) at halftime because as Coach Dungy says "The game isn't over until the end of the 4th quarter.

My apologies to Mark Mossa SJ who had to watch one of his favorite teams lose. Heck even Archie Manning (Peyton's dad, who played for the Saints) had to watch his team lose last night, but I think in this case he was rooting for his son's team.

Pax

DO NOT DISTURB!!!!

I regret to inform you that angelmeg will be absent from blogging this evening.


The Colts are playing Football Tonight!


Please do not call, or interrupt her in any way.


She will be wearing her Official Jeff Saturday Colts Jersey, and watching the game on TV.

I am sure that she will be back to blogging very soon.

Go Colts!!!!!!!

Pax