Friday, June 19, 2009

Father's Day with tears

It was an innocent statement . . .

Maggie, share with everyone why your dad is so great!

that showed up in my Facebook notifications this morning, but it set me on a downward spiral toward near despair. My dad was great . . . when I was a little kid he was my entire world, but he has been gone for 35 years. This is another year I won't get to celebrate Father's Day by picking out some silly card, or buying him some hideous tie, or just spending time with him.

Mrangelmeg has made plans to play golf with his dad this father's day. My children have plans for mrangelmeg (but knowing that he reads this blog I will leave it at that). I can only sit with my memories. That is what brings me to near despair.

The only thing that keeps me from rocketing over that precipice into total blackness is the fact that I have another Father, one that by the mystery of the relational nature of the Blessed Trinity makes Him eternally in the role of Father. Not only is God constantly breathing me into existence; but He is at each moment lovingly bestowing on me all of thewarmth, joy. courage and strength that my earthly father did in the short time that I had with him. God's love surrounds me like a blanket, or like my earthly father's arms did when I used to cuddle safely in his lap as a child.

And if God loves me this much, then so must he have (and does) loved my earthly father. That promise of Eternal Fathering must have been granted to my dad. When dad's time down here was through, our Eternal Father drew him up to be with Him, a place where there is no more pain or suffering. A place where my dad found peace. A place where some day I will be united with him again.

So, I can draw back from that precipice and be reminded of two things: I have an Eternal Father who will always be with me; and because of that Father's promise one day I will be reunited with my dad, and I will be able to curl up in his lap again and there I will find rest.

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