Saturday, January 15, 2005


I went to visit my mom today. Mom has Alzheimer’s disease, so visits with her are very difficult. She can't remember who we are or why we are there, and is constantly reminding us of things.

It is really hard to be with her like this. It takes patience and self control and humility, things I seem to be in short supply of right now.

I want to be the same loving daughter I have always been, but I get so frustrated, and I am angry, not at her but at the disease. I get very uncomfortable and feel like we should leave almost as soon as we get there, because the extra people in the house make mom so very uncomfortable.

I love my mom completely. This disease has robbed me of my mom and in her place has left a person that is so angry and needy. I know it must be hardest on her.

I have two sisters who live with my mom. They are saints.

My prayer is that God will keep my mom safe and help her to live with this disease. My prayer for me is that I will learn to love my mom in a new way, completely unselfish and totally giving. I have a long way to go, but with God's help. I will try.


1 comment:

Suzanne said...

Things are moving along...I can tell and it is difficult for you.
I hear your frustration and mostly I feel your hurt. Even though
it has happened to me, it is still you and your mom and noone can
take her place for what you need again. I do know that much.
Angelmeg, maybe next time just take yourself on your visit. Now
that she seems to not know everyone so much, it is perhaps more a
time for you to go and be with her and your sisters alone for short visits. Your sisters perhaps need just you too right now.
You sound like the three of us, Shirley, Sharon and I. So, think
about that and then plan something a little nice afterwards for
yourself with your sisters or one of them or Katie while you are nearby. Hold on to your memories and don't let them go. Write
some special ones down and close your eyes and remember. I still do that today. I love you, my sister in Christ... Suz