GO Theology Thursday on Friday: When We Get it Wrong (again)!

The fact that my Theology Thursday post for this week is actually not only being posted but actually being written on Friday goes nicely with the theme as stated above: When we get it wrong (again)! You see, yesterday we went to our parish Lenten Penance service, and I had been trying to figure out all day how to name the state of sin that I have presently found myself.

I was taught that one is not supposed to discuss what happens in the confessional (and since I don't want all two of my loyal readers to fall asleep at their computers I will refrain from giving you a verbatim account of what actually happened in my confession anyway but suffice it to say that with the help of a wonderful confessor who was there in persona Christi I was able to name the sinful state which had something to do with the rationalization that God made me this way so it must be okay with Him, but this week it hit me that "Oh no He didn't!" the fall made me this way and God expects so much more from me than the piddly little I am willing to offer. If I use that argument then I am no better than the people who fall into sexual sin and say they can't help the way they are! I was totally convicted, but not defeated, because becoming aware of where I was made me capable of finding a way out of the funk I was wallowing in.

Father and I discussed how I could begin to heal myself and my relationship with those whom my sinful condition had affected. The problem is that I can't do this on my own and when I try to do this mending on my own I just get into more difficulty.

So for my penance I was told to pray every day for the grace to admit that I need God's grace to change the situations that need to be changed in my life for the better. Then I have to be open to receiving and acting on that grace when God grants it. My old way was simply trying to "do it myself" and in doing that I have gotten it all wrong. I can do nothing by my own power. Not even the simple things I offered to give up for Lent were done by my own power, I could only accomplish them through God's grace.

So, when I admit before I even begin that I am powerless without God's grace to change my situation, then I can do so much more because I am not trying to rely on my own abilities but I am counting on God to supply what I need.

This morning when I went to my weekly prayer group the women I group with confirmed that this was a profound insight. This is the reason that groups like AA work; because they begin by admitting that one is powerless to overcome the addiction without the help of a higher power.

So, I am going to begin to use a new ejaculation prayer, whatever I need to call it. From now on, before I start any task that seems too daunting or too officious, or I just don't want to do, even though I know I should be doing it I am going to say this prayer:

Heavenly Father, with your help I will be able to . . .

Okay, so maybe while I am cleaning the toilets it may have to be a mantra, but I have to give it a try. It is a penance after all.

Pax

Forgiveness: Did He Really Have to Make it a Math Problem?

Jesus tells us in the Gospel that we are to forgive Seventy times Seven times.


I always hated math.


The truth of this scripture passage has nothing whatsoever to do with numbers though, it has to do with our being willing to be forgiving as God forgives.

This is a recurring theme in scripture, and one that I keep being reminded of, because I tend to hold on to unforgiveness.

My friend Suzanne and I were deep into a session of venting yesterday afternoon. I thought it was actually good for me to get out how much hurt I had felt for years by a particular person, and then I was relating a new hurt that my daughter had suffered by the inattention of someone who was supposed to have her best interest at heart, but didn't really seem to care.

At the time it felt like righteous indignation, and I felt justified in my feelings, but as I thought about it more that evening, and apparently Suzanne was thinking about the same thing, I came to the conclusion that my holding on to feelings of unforgiveness are only hurting me, and in the face of what I have asked God to forgive me for, how can I not forgive those who have wronged me?

In fact when Jesus teaches about the Lord's Prayer the only thing he clarifies is that the extent by which we are able to forgive is the extent by which God will be able to forgive us.

I have a lot of work to do on that score. Thanks Suzanne for reminding me that forgiveness is for me, not for the one who has wronged me.
Pax

Psalm 139

(NAB translation)


LORD, you have probed me, you know me:
you know when I sit and stand;
you understand my thoughts from afar.

My travels and my rest you mark;
with all my ways you are familiar.

Even before a word is on my tongue,
LORD, you know it all.

Behind and before you encircle me
and rest your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is beyond me,
far too lofty for me to reach.

Where can I hide from your spirit?
From your presence, where can I flee?

If I ascend to the heavens, you are there;
if I lie down in Sheol, you are there too.

If I fly with the wings of dawn
and alight beyond the sea,

Even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely darkness shall hide me,
and night shall be my light" --

Darkness is not dark for you,
and night shines as the day.
Darkness and light are but one.


You formed my inmost being;
you knit me in my mother's womb.

I praise you, so wonderfully you made me;
wonderful are your works!
My very self you knew;

my bones were not hidden from you,
When I was being made in secret,
fashioned as in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes foresaw my actions;
in your book all are written down;
my days were shaped, before one came to be.


How precious to me are your designs, O God;
how vast the sum of them!

Were I to count, they would outnumber the sands;
to finish, I would need eternity.

If only you would destroy the wicked, O God,
and the bloodthirsty would depart from me!

Deceitfully they invoke your name;
your foes swear faithless oaths.

Do I not hate, LORD, those who hate you?
Those who rise against you, do I not loathe?

With fierce hatred I hate them,
enemies I count as my own.


Probe me, God, know my heart;
try me, know my concerns.

See if my way is crooked,
then lead me in the ancient paths.

Pax

Wish I had Taken a Picture

So the family went to a neighboring town in our Deanery for the reconciliation service at the parish there because neither mrangelmeg or I were available when we had our parish penance service.

I always wonder if my kids take the whole thing seriously or just "go through the motions" twice a year because I make them.

Well, tonight after our son who is 22 came out of his private confession he met our angelbaby who is 10 and they hugged each other and were talking quietly and smiling at each other. When I came up to them I could hear what they were saying and they were actually talking about how nice it is to be free from sin, and discussing how long they thought this state of grace might last.

Wow, do you suppose I actually raised them right?

Will wonders never cease?

Praise God!

Pax