Why Don't We Steal Away?

Mrangelmeg and I are making a break for it.



I have packed the freezer with pizzas, expecting the kids to fend for themselves tonight, and we are taking off this afternoon for a little overnight adventure. We are heading south-east to the Buckeye State to meet up with some friends in Cincinatti for a Jazz Concert this evening.



We are going to a place called the Blue Wisp to hear one of my favorite Saxaphonists: Ron Jones. We have heard him live before at least once down in Louisville back when the Jazz Factory was still open (moment of revered silence please).



Mrangelmeg isn't much of a fan of Jazz, but he loves the company (me, and the couple we are meeting up with) so he is willingly going along with us. Ron Jones plays enough standards mixed in with his more jazzy stuff so that mrangelmeg doesn't feel like he hasn't got a clue what he is listening to all the time.

I am really excited. With mrangelmeg's travel schedule it seems like we are ships passing in the night. We are here but so much of the time is spent sleeping or taking care of necessary stuff that we really don't have much time to just focus on each other. Getting away like this, even just overnight, will give us some time to just be about us for a whole day. Sometimes a marriage needs that kind of maintenance.

Pax

The Reality Is . . .

when mrangelmeg is taking a Masters Class called Statistical Analysis for Effective Decision Making (and way better him than me on that one) the same week as our 25th wedding anniversary he has to make the decision that . . .









I become statistically irrelevant. (at least for this particular week).

When you consider all of the concessions he had to make so that I could complete my Masters Degree, I have to give him some slack on this one.

Hey, it could have been worse, He could have been TDY somewhere else in the country this week. This way at least if his homework load isn't extremely heavy on Wednesday evening we might be able to go out to dinner.

Just a Few Days Shy

October 10th marked the beginning of mrangelmeg and my 25th year together. I missed posting on that date because I was working on my final exam essays and didn't have time to post. Now that I have a few minutes here at gradual school before we all go out for the evening (mrangelmeg isn't here tonight but is driving down tomorrow so we can go out to dinner) I want to write something about how blessed I have been over the past 25 years.

The above picture is our engagement picture. We got engaged one month after our first date (those quiet engineer types work fast). We have a bit of disagreement over exactly when our time together begins. He counts from the night my mom made a big pot of chili for my sister's fiance's fraternity brothers to celebrate their college homecoming and he showed up for free food. I happened to be eating there that night as well because I wanted the free food.

We didn't say a word to each other that night. A week later I went to a party at my sister's fiance's fraternity and in an attempt to get away from the cigarette smoke (I had recently quit smoking and didn't need the temptation) I had ventured into the kitchen, where mrangelmeg was standing with a beer in his hand talking about, of all things, being a confirmation sponsor for a young kid from his home church. That led to a discussion about the merits (or lack thereof) of the local churches.

It turned out that we both hated the campus ministry parish, which I affectionately called "Our Lady of the Nuclear Winter". I told him that he should come to my parish for Mass the next Sunday. We hung around together the rest of the party and even went to the Midnight Movie (Rocky Horror Picture Show, good times) before I went home to my apartment alone.

On Sunday, I was coming down the stairs of the school (I taught 5th grade CCD) and he was standing at the bottom of the stairs. We went to Mass together (he liked my church as much as I did). Mom was at mass and asked us if we wanted to come to her house for breakfast. Being poor college kids we said uhm yes. After breakfast he drove me back to my place. On the way I asked him if he wanted to come to the party at my church that night in honor of the canonization of Maximilian Kolbe. (Franciscan parish, big deal). Even if it is a snore there will be free food, I added. He said yes and said he would pick me up in a few hours.

We went to the party which was decidedly not a snore, and the food was great. A week later we went on our first real date to a German Restaurant. The rest, as they say, is history (or our-story actually). One month later we were engaged. six months after that we were married.

I am complete because I am married to mrangelmeg. He is the only person who can keep me from going off the deep end. He loves me unconditionally, and challenges me to be the best person I can be (what God created me to be).

We are going to go out to dinner at a German Restaurant tomorrow night to honor our first date. Only this year he will decidedly have a better chance of getting more than a kiss goodnight (if you know what I mean - wink wink- nudge nudge).

Pax

It Starts . . . (again)

It is so much easier to raise boys than girls (at least in our household our son was so much easier than any one of his sisters).

After three days of fifth grade the angelbaby informed me that she has a BF (for the other parents out there she means boyfriend). She swore to me that this relationship was going to last. She was so earnest about the fact I tried not to laugh out loud.

When I asked her what exactly did it mean in terms of relationship to have a "BF" in the fifth grade she said that they sit at lunch together and "hang out" at recess together.

When I informed mrangelmeg of the new social development in our angelbaby's life he got that scary dad-of -daughters look that can only mean "where did I put my shot gun shells". This being his fourth daughter, I have seen that look before.

I wanted to tell the angelbaby to slow down, she has plenty of time to have BF's when she gets to college, but I remained silent. I am the mother of four girls, I have learned the hard way when to give advice and when to shut up.

Our oldest daughter went through a relationship last year with a guy she really liked, and for a while they were inseparable. Then he decided that he wasn't ready for a long term commitment and they broke up but "remained friends".

They saw each other just as often as before, but with no messy commitment between them (and she had to start paying for her own movies and food and such). This lasted for nearly the entire summer until he told her that he "couldn't move on until she got over him because he didn't want to break her heart." Her response was WHATEVER and she promptly went out and began dating other guys. Good for her.

One new guy seemed particularly compatible. They both like the Red Sox (go figure she spent less than a year in Boston when she was 2 and suddenly the Red Sox are her team.) They both liked the same kind of music and movies. They spent nearly 8 hours together on their first date (do they still call them dates?). A few days later he text messaged her and said that he was just looking for sex and see ya! Good for her for having the presence of mind not to give him what he was looking for on the first date.

Our Middle daughter, who is a senior in High School this year has that look in her eye that this is the year she is going to get a BF. My little speech about having plenty of time in college isn't going to work on her either.

*sigh*

Maybe I should help mrangelmeg find his shells.

Pax

Mental Pause Moment #6 One of The Best Aides in the Struggle to Survive

This maddening roller coaster ride that we delicate women call "the change" has made me a horribly cranky, moody, over-tired, under- aroused, shrew the last few weeks. I know it can't be a picnic living with me. Heck there are times when I would give just about anything to take a vacation from myself.

One of the constant and steadying influences in my life these days has been mrangelmeg. Through all of the inner turmoil of what has been going on inside my body he has been there for me to complain to and talk things over with and try to figure out how to live through these changes without alienating all of my children.

I am so blessed to have him in my life right now. He can't possibly be excited about the prospect of having to live through my mood swings and my night after night of cold fish, lack of interest in anything but sleep. But he never complains. He is always there to try to make things a little easier for me. And he knows when it is better to just leave me alone.

If I didn't have him I can't imagine how I could survive. His love is a real stabilizing force.

Pax

Twenty-Four Years of Bliss

Today is the anniversary of the day mrangelmeg and I took our vows before God and the representative of the Church that sealed our vocation as husband and wife.

We celebrated by exchanging cards and gifts of chocolate (that is the traditional gift in our house) and we went out for lunch, because mrangelmeg is on his way out of town for the week on a business trip. This is probably the only anniversary we have ever had to spend apart in the entire 24 years of our marriage.

I think that each year we have been married our relationship has grown in ways that we would have never imagined when we were first married. We understand each other so much more than we did when we were younger, and we have lived through adversity and success.

I wouldn't say that we think alike now, because I will never understand why he drinks Mountain Dew or likes Country Music, (although I do like Keith Urban), but those are the things that make him the man that I love.

I hope that we have many more years together, so that I can explore all the other intricacies of his character, and grow to love him even more. And besides, in just 26 short years we have a date for dinner with the Archbishop of our Diocese (He honors every married couple in the diocese who have been married for at least 50 years with a Mass and Dinner) so we have that as a goal.

Pax

Saying Yes All Over Again

At times over the past nearly 24 years of married life I have asked mrangelmeg if he would be willing to renew our vows; on special anniversaries and when we were vacationing where they had those quaint wedding chapels in the mountains. Each time I asked he has always said "Why bother, they worked the first time." or "No need to fix what isn't broken." or some other quip equally dripping with romance.

We have actually participated in one renewal of vows ceremony at our church. I have the picture to prove it. It is one of my favorite pictures of us because it happened to be one of those winters when I had cajoled mrangelmeg into growing a beard and in the picture he has a beard and I don't look half bad myself. The picture was taken by a friend of ours who was playing "wedding photographer" for the evening's festivities that night at church. Each couple that participated in the Mass got a nice dinner and a photograph to commemorate the evening.

It has been many years since that time, and I had decided that it was easier not to ask anymore than to keep getting turned down. While mrangelmeg sees no reason to renew the vows we made all those years ago, I see nothing wrong with a refresher.

I suppose I look at it more as I do the renewal of promises that the Priests make at the Chrism Mass. Their Ordination made an indelible and irreversible mark on them, yet each year they stand before the altar of God and reaffirm the promises they made at that ordination. It isn't that the first promises didn't take, it is just that it doesn't hurt to make a public show of reminding ourselves about what is important.

I think it is really important that it be in a Mass as well. Marriage is a vocation. As one of my favorite Bishops says in his vocations prayer it is the source of all other vocations. When the Church begins to recognize and uphold the vocation of marriage and call for the strengthening of the vocation of marriage with the same vigor that it has been the vocation of the priesthood and religious life I think the vocations crisis in this country will vanish.

I will get off my soapbox now and get back to my point. Saturday evening mrangelmeg surprised me by registering us for a Marriage renewal service at our parish. He had mentioned it once before, but I thought he was joking because of his previous statements. I was pleasantly surprised that we attended, and we had a wonderful time.

The nicest thing of all though was looking into his eyes and telling him that I would still take him as my husband from this day forward, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, forsaking all others until death us do part. As I said those words I could see that 21 year old young man standing in the front of the church with me all those years ago. Little did we know then what those words would mean. If we can get through what we have been through to this point I think the safe money is on us.

But it was really nice hearing him say the words over again, because I know I don't much look like that young girl anymore. Heck I don't even feel like her anymore.

If you get a chance to renew your vows, take it. If you just get a chance to say to your spouse "I would marry you all over again today." do it. Don't miss an opportunity to say I love you in words and deeds.

Pax

Ballroom Dancing Denouement

Tomorrow is our last Ballroom dancing class for this Spring at the YMCA. To say that Mrangelmeg and I have enjoyed these classes would be such an understatement of how we have come to feel about our weekly trips to the dance studio.

It has enhanced so much of our relationship besides our confidence on the dance floor that it has been worth all of the hard work and embarrassment that we went through to get where we are at this point. Not to mention the sore feet and aching muscles. (That rhumba can kick the ol' fanny).

One thing that I have personally gained over the course of the training we have received, although I know I have a long way to go, and mrangelmeg will surely back me up on this, is my appreciation for how much I have to surrender to his lead, not only in dance, but in many other aspects of our relationship. If I listen more carefully to what he is trying to communicate to me I will be on much stronger footing.

When I am in doubt in a dance move I have been instructed by our teacher to close my eyes and trust that mrangelmeg knows what he is doing and will lead me where I am supposed to go. I have been trying to do that more often in other areas of my life as well. He sees my level of energy more clearly than I do and he is able to guage what I am capable of taking on much better than I am.

My Spiritual Director reminded me just this week that I have to work on my male authority figure issues, and I might as well let mrangelmeg be the one healthy authority figure relationship I allow myself to surreneder to in all things without question or debate or tantrums. I asked if I could at least pout, and he said that was negotiable.

Dancing has taught me that there can be only one lead. When I try to lead I throw off the balance of our steps, or mess up our timing. I am working on surrendering my need to be in control, and I think mrangelmeg has seen great improvement not just in our dancing but in other areas of our relationship as well.

I will miss our class at the YMCA, but I recently found out that our city Parks and Rec department has a summer Intermediate Ballroom class on Friday nights in June and July. If I tell him I need to work on my submission to his lead, do you think mrangelmeg will sign up for more dancing?

Pax

Mental Pause Moment #3: Hormones, drought or deluge

WARNING: This post deals with content of a very female nature. So men, you have been warned. I will not be offended if you choose to skip this one. I would love some input from my women friends though.

It appears as though as I maneuver through this land of preparation for mental pause I have come across an affliction that appears to affect every woman: for days you will have absolutely no interest whatsoever, and then with no warning you will be flooded with gushes of for lack of a better term for it uhm . . . hormonal energy.

It is absolutely bewildering to me. One week the most romantic environment in the world will evoke nothing more than a yawn from me. It's not that I don't want to be romantic, it's just that I have to really be forcefully reminded that I used to enjoy it.

Then the just as suddenly a few days later all that has to happen to get the old engine revving is for mrangelmeg to brush up against me as he passes me on his way down the hallway. It is as if I am set on slow burn or something.

It would help if this had anything at all to do with my cycle, but sadly I have tried to chart these "storms" and they don't come on any regular basis. I can go for months without it and then have weeks where I can't think of anything else.

I am sure in the times when I am feeling more "expressive" mrangelmeg has no complaints. I worry sometimes about the other times when it must get frustrating for him.

I am also very sure that mrangelmeg would be just as happy if there were some way to channel some of my excess energy into other areas, like maybe cleaning the house, or organizing my bedroom office and closet (two things I have been planning to do since I have been off classes these last two semesters but haven't yet gotten around to).

I am just praying that this too is one of those things that has "come to pass" and not come to stay. I will be fine so long as eventually this will all work itself out to some comfortable level of normality again. If anyone has encouraging words of wisdom for me I would appreciate them.

Pax

The Road to Holiness

I have been struggling a bit lately with someone.

I know, you are all amazed that I, angelmeg struggle with relationships.

There is someone in my life, a friend actually who happens to have a very strong personality. She can be downright overwhelming at times. She has a tendency to want to control every situation.

For instance when we go out to lunch, she will tell me what to order. Knowing that I have food issues because of my many allergies, I at first saw this as a kindness on her part. Often the last few times this has happened though I have seen this as an intrusion.

In other areas of my personal life though I have found that her "helpful suggestions" are almost commands that I do things in a way that she wants me to, even to the point of trying to strongly dissuade me from applying for a certain job for which she thought I was not suited.

I still value her friendship in many ways, but I struggle with where her intrusions into my personal life should end. To that end I have found myself talking to other friends about her in a not so charitable way. This I find to be very uncomfortable.

I began to pray about this situation over the weekend, and today's scripture passage from the Office of Readings spoke to my heart about this situation. I wanted to share it with you all.

By obedience to the truth you have purified yourselves for a
genuine love of your brothers, therefore, love one another constantly from the
heart. . . .

So strip away everything vicious, everything deceitful;
pretenses, jealousies, and disparaging remarks of any kind. Be eager
for milk s newborn babies -- pure milk of the spirit to make you grow unto
salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

Come to him a living stone, rejected by men but approved nonetheless,
and precious in God's eyes. You too are living stones, built as an edifice
of spirit, into a holy priesthood, offering
spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus
Christ.

1Peter1:22 . . . 2:1-5

I have never been a big one for the Litany of Humility, but I do see that getting angry at this woman's constant need to control everything is a very destructive response on my part. I need to let this all go. I need to let go of the hurt I feel and do what God wants in each situation keeping in mind that as helpful as my friend is trying to be, I am fairly certain she isn't God.

The road to holiness will be filled with a lot of opportunities to allow myself to let go of small hurts, received because of "helpful suggestions" from well meaning friends. Today's reading reinforced for me that I can do that and remain friends with her.

Pax

Can't Help Lovin' That Man . . .

of mine.

So mrangelmeg went way above and beyond this Valentines day. He surprised me with some Ghirardelli Chocolates and a card this morning, but that wasn't all. Inside the card was a gift certificate to a local spa for a day of pampering. I mean the works; manicure, pedicure, and massage. I was totally blown away.

It was something I never would have imagined him getting me, and something I will really enjoy. The funny thing is, and I told him this, I was passing one of those nail places in the same strip mall near where I get my hair cut, (you know those places, where you can get the cheesy nails done by the people with the face masks.) and was considering getting my nails done just to see what it was like. Now I can get them done at a place that is a bit more up-scale.

Does this mean that after 23 years he has begun to read my mind? Now that is a scary thought.

In case you are wondering, my gift to him was a bag of Peanut M&M's (back in college when we met it was all we could afford, and until I became allergic to them was the traditional candy for giving at Valentines day. ) Besides that, he is going out of town next week on a golf outing with his dad for five days. That is a HUGE gift on my part!

Pax