Thursday of Holy Week

My very good friend John had a lump on his breast bone.  he went to the Dr. to find out what it was.  He was trying to remain upbeat and to leave the concern in God's hands.  A week later he was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma,  It was a devastating diagnosis.  What was the first thing he and his wife did after hearing the diagnosis?  They went on vacation.  They would deal with treatments and drugs and surgeries later, but first they would enjoy each other's company.

My friend John died a few weeks ago.  I miss him so much.

To me,  Holy Thursday reminds me of my friend John.   Jesus knew what was coming on Friday,  but on Thursday he had a dinner with his Apostles and enjoyed their friendship one last time.  He took Peter, James and John to the Garden with him.  He wanted his friends around him as much as he could. 

Holy Thursday is our time to revel in those moments of Christ and the Apostles together.  The calm before the storm if you will.  The music is so beautiful during the Holy Thursday Liturgy (and I am not just saying that because I sing in our Church Choir).    Pange Lingua has to be one of my very favorite hymns and we are singing Durufle's  Ubi Caritas as well.  

And tonight at Liturgy, I can be with John at Mass,  because the Mass is the one place where all people who have ever been to Mass and all those who will ever go to Mass are there in that moment of Kairos (God's time).    

I love The Triduum.  Holy Thursday is the celebration of that first Liturgy.  Enter into it with all of your senses.

Pax

Wednesday of Holy Week

Did you know that this day of Holy Week used to be called Spy Wednesday?  It is a day when the Mass readings talk of betrayal.  Betrayal hurts,  Jesus was not only betrayed by Judas, but also Peter denied even knowing him while he was being tried, scourged and put to death.

We all feel betrayed, by friends, sometimes by family.  It leaves deep wounds that sometimes  never heal and leave us unable to trust.

I am experiencing a type of betrayal that I suppose is true for everyone,  my body is failing me.  I have arthritis,  and sleep apnea.  I have bad knees,  and asthma.  I suppose it just means I am getting old, but it is worrisome to know that if the day is cold and wet my body will ache and I will not be able to feel warm no matter what I do.

It bothers me to think that without a machine I might stop breathing in my sleep, but at least there is a machine that will keep me breathing, right?

I watched an amazing story on 60 minutes the other night about a profoundly autistic young woman named Carley who finally has learned to communicate with the help of a computer.  To the world she looks completely and totally disabled, but deep inside a body that constantly betrays her is a mind that is fertile and funny and forgiving.  She has now started a weblog and a twitter feed to share her thoughts, which are not bound to her damaged body, with the world.

The point of all of these betrayals though is that no matter how many things we lose us.  This is what Jesus remembered at the end when he commended His Spirit to His Father from the cross.

We may feel betrayed, but we are never forsaken, no matter how deep the wounds are.

If you can't do something one way, learn to do it another.

Pax

Tuesday of Holy Week

In the past two weeks I have gotten two birthday presents in the mail.  They have both been wonderful surprises, especially since my birthday was over a month ago.    My children think it is really funny that I just keep getting gifts even though my birthday is long past.   I just enjoy them, and feel very blessed.

God's grace is quite the same as those unexpected birthday gifts.  If you live in a sense of awareness of God working in your life,  everything is gift (grace).   Every day in little ways and sometimes in very grand ways God reveals his love for us through graces in our lives.  Which doesn't mean that when we make ourselves aware of God working in our lives everything is sunshine and rainbows.   Sometimes, in the words of one of my favorite authors Flannery O'Connor God's grace can be "dark and disturbing" too.

Sometimes God's grace comes in a way that makes us realize how much we need Him.  It is revealed in our weaknesses and our failings, which bring us to our knees in prayer and turn us back to His loving arms.

I am sitting here this morning on a cold rainy morning, which makes my arthritis flare and every joint in my body ache, waiting for it to be time to go to my Zumba Class.  I know that it will take all the energy I can muster, and a little extra grace from God, to make myself go to Zumba this morning,  But I also know that in God's dark and disturbing way if I do go there will be a benefit for my overall health and well being.

How will you be aware of God's grace in your life today?

Pax  

Monday of Holy Week

I belong to a band made up of parents of children at the school where my daughter (previously known as the angelbaby, until she hit her teen years) is in the 8th grade.  Some of us have been playing an instrument for years, and can easily read music, and others are relatively new to the instrument they are playing and are just beginning to get the hang of reading music.

We practice together once a week.  But those of us who don't practice more often than that feel as though we are falling behind, myself included some weeks.  We have to work at our own parts so that when we get together we can work at sounding like a real band sounds and not a group of people who are trying to play instruments they are just learning how to play.  We have also found that when we play with enthusiasm and joy,  our sound is much better than when we play like timidly.  

I think the same thing is true of the spiritual life.  We are all at a different point in our spiritual life, and when we come to a point in the Church year like Holy Week, the more time we have put into our own spiritual development, like we should have been doing throughout the 40 days of lent, the more We will come together as One during this week.

Don't just sit back and let Holy Week happen to you,  enter into it with all of your enthusiasm and joy, and not with timidity.  Even if you haven't been practicing as much as you wish you had been the last 40 days.

Pax

Holy Week with John of the Cross

I didn't post on Wednesday or Thursday due to too may commitments outside the house. I will just skip adding those reflections and continue with my Friday John of the Cross meditation:

Where have you hidden ,

Beloved, and left me moaning?

You fled like the stag

After wounding me;

I went out calling you, and you were gone.

This is the way it feels in a Catholic Church after Holy Thursday Mass, when the Tabernacle is emptied, its light extinguished, and the altar is bare. Jesus has fled [to the altar of repose] . The church is somehow more quiet, more cold than it normally is. Something palpable is missing.

My mother used to say, Jesus is in hiding until Holy Saturday Mass when the consecration happens again and the balance is restored.

We are on our way toward the Resurrection, Happy Good Friday.

Pax

Tuesday of Holy Week: More John of the Cross

From The Spiritual Canticle:

Do not despise me;

For if, before you found me dark,

Now truly you can look at me

Since you have looked

And left in me grace and beauty.

This verse is a very personal verse to me. Again John could be writing my journey with these words.

Before I was closed off, unable to receive the grace that God was freely offering. Now I am open to the grace and beauty that God has given me. Now I can see myself more clearly as God sees me.

Pax

Mystic Monday: Holy Week Edition

Each Holy Week I spend my days in pursuit of a lofty goal; something I wouldn't do on any other normal day. Last year I read a poem by Gerard Manley Hopkins each day of Holy Week. The sprung rhythm was a wonderful addition to my contemplation of the days as I moved toward Easter.

This year I have decided to delve more deeply into the poetry of John of the Cross. I am going to attempt to resisit the urge to read the commentary (you might not know this, but John wrote commentary for every line of poetry he wrote.) and just savor the words themselves without explanation.

Here is the stanza I have chosen today from The Spiritual Canticle:

Now I occupy my soul
And all my energy in his service,
I no longer tend the herd
Nor have I any other work
Now that my every act is love.

Without any commentary I believe that I understand this verse. Do any of you, dear children understand the feeling that one's life of work changes dramatically when one encounters He that is Love Personified?

Pax

Holy Week

It is so hard to believe that Holy Week is already here. It seems like just yesterday was Ash Wednesday and now we are just a few days shy of the end of Lent and the start of my favorite season of the Church year The Triduum.

Remember: Lent ends Wednesday Night! Thursday begins an entirely new season of the Church. If you have been fasting or have given up something, that fasting can end on Thursday if you so choose. My parents when I was growing up made us wait until Easter morning to end our fast from television, or candy or whatever it was we had given up. But also remember that Friday is a day of solemn fasting in honor of the day that Christ died on the cross.

I was telling Fr. Bill yesterday after Mass that I could set up a cot in the back of church and just live in the church from Thursday until Sunday I love those liturgies so much. If you have never taken the time to explore the liturgies of Holy Week I recommend that you do. There is so much symbol and presence in the liturgies of the Triduum, from the Stripping of the Altar on Holy Thursday to the veneration of the Cross on Good Friday to the lighting of the New Fire on Holy Saturday and then, my personal favorite the singing of the Exultet which is an ancient hymn that recounts our need for salvation and our need for Resurrection.


I am offering you these links to the Three Holy Days so that if you choose you can prepare yourself and your family for these days.

Holy Thursday

Good Friday

Holy Saturday

I also want to give you a gentle reminder that Easter, dear children, is a Season of the Church year and not just a Sunday. We in the Church celebrate Easter for 50 days, from the Sunday of Christ's resurrection until Pentecost. Don't be stingy with your celebration.

We are an Easter People after all.

See you in Church.

Pax

Holy Week Challenge

I have a friend who for the last few years has sent email reflections for each day of Holy Week. This year her theme is to see with new eyes. She is asking us to view this week with a renewed sense of spiritual vision.

I am viewing this week in a whole new way, and not only because mrangelmeg is away on TDY and I am single parent. I am also beginning to gain some clarity on my future in a way that I never have before. Perhaps I finally have some understanding as to what God is asking me to do with this degree that I worked so hard to get. Today I go for my monthly visit with my Spiritual Director, it will be great to talk over this new clarity with him to see if he confirms what I am receiving in prayer and meditation.

Oh, and my other little action in terms of seeing with new eyes this week is that I have decided to spend some time reading the poems of this man each day. If his words don't put me in the path of God in a new and dynamic way there is something really wrong with me.

Have a Blessed Triduum, and Inspiring Easter.

Pax

All Retreated Out

I got back from retreat about an hour ago and after a restorative nap I feel compelled to tell you some of the highlights of a wonderful spirit filled time.

We began last evening with a Reconciliation Service which was built around the Parable of the Forgiving Father (or Prodigal Son, depending on your age) . We had a copy of the Rembrandt picture up on the prayer table to remind everyone of the point (conversion being the point, DUH). Then there was a chance for Reconciliation. While the candidates and sponsors went to the sacrament we had a prayer service with the Elect in which they experienced God's forgiveness and conversion in their lives through a sin burning. (cool if you have never seen one done and very powerful as an image of an oblation to the Lord)

This morning I gave a talk on Discipleship in Transition using Mary Magdalene as my example, and talked about my ministry with my mother. It was a very difficult talk for me to give but lots of people came up and thanked me afterwords for sharing, and felt that it was very powerful.

To be honest, the rest of the day is a blur for me of activity. One of the later highlights was the Candidates and Elect were presented cards made for them by the Families Growing in Faith group at the parish and one girl got a beautiful card that told her to be filled with a Happy Spit!!!!! We all laughed so hard we could hardly stand it. She absolutely loves the card and thinks she is going to frame it.

So, my elect, Emily is all ready for her Baptism on Easter Vigil. In fact she can hardly contain her joy at the thought of what is about to happen. She was practically floating as she left the retreat today. Keep her in your prayers this week, her last week before she enters the waters of Baptism and joins us at the Table of the Lord for the very first time.

Pax