Transcendental Musings

Learn To Live In Loneliness

2012-01-27T11:15:00.001-05:00

Learn to Live in Loneliness
Carl Sandburg

A man must get away
now and then
to experience loneliness.

Only those who learn how to live
in loneliness
can come to know themselves
and life.

I go out there and walk
and look at the trees and sky.
I listen to the sounds of loneliness.
I sit on a rock or stump
and say to myself,

"Who are you, Sandburg?
Where have you been,
and where are you going?"

I needed to read this today. I needed to be reminded that Time by myself is not punishment, or wasted, but rather, time to get to know who I really am.

PAX

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The Times They Are . . .

2012-01-07T16:58:00.001-05:00

So, I got a contract to write a book. I gave myself a "grace period/vacation" over Christmas, and didn't work on it. It was really nice not thinking about it through the holiday rush. But now the holidays are over, and I am writing. I wanted to let you know so that my two loyal readers wouldn't think I was ignoring them. I am probably sitting staring at my manuscript wondering what the devil I am going to write next.So, if you come here and I haven't posted in a while please say a prayer for me. I am sure the writing is going well, but a little extra prayer can't hurt.PAX- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

When Things Start to Fall Into Place

2011-10-11T23:13:00.001-04:00

It usually means that the fight is just beginning. Or so I have found.

I have known for years that I needed to get into shape and take my health more seriously, but for whatever reason I never really got past the thought and on toward any real plan of action. I would take the matter of my slothful nature into the confessional and try to find help there. I tried to get more exercise, and I have been on every diet on the planet. Nothing seemed to work.

I would make excuses like, well at least my spiritual life is on track, does it really matter that my the other areas of my life are a mess?

Then a little over a year ago my world got turned upside down. My mom died after a long illness, and a close friend died after a battle with cancer. I fell into a deep depression from which I could not emerge on my own because my reserves were empty.

Many years ago I had suffered a similar depression after the birth of one of my children. I remember how bad I felt for so long. When I finally came out of that depression, I promised myself that if it ever happened again I would ask for help. So this time, when I found myself in that dark lonely place, and realized that I had been in a similar place before.

This time I did what I had promised myself the last time, and asked for help. With the help of my devoted husband, my Dr., my pastor Fr. Bill, and my spiritual director, I began to see a light. The light came from not carrying my burden by myself, and letting go enough to allow room for God to enter in and begin the healing process. It wasn't what one of them did, but what they all did together.

I started to see my entire life as a whole -- mind,body,soul and spirit. Without working on all the areas together, I cannot move out of the darkness. It is only when each of the areas of my life is in balance that I will become the person God intended me to be.

Now I realize that I cannot be satisfied with two thirds of a life. And interestingly, as I begin to see my plan to get into shape begin to work I an seeing that there is a spiritual component to what I am doing. I am learning about fasting and discipline and obedience and virtue. Not to mention all the extra prayer time I am getting as I work out and walk.

And as the changes in my diet and exercise affect my overall health, I am realizing that it feels really good to feel good.But, now that things are falling into place, I have a long road ahead to get to where I am what God sees as my best self.

At least I have a great team of people surrounding me helping me to reach the goal.

PAX

Till There Was This . . .

2011-09-27T23:10:00.000-04:00

So, it is no secret that I am a huge fan of Ignatian Spirituality and especially the concept of "finding God in all things", which to me is simply an awareness that everything we are and have comes from God, so whatever we find in the world in some way can lead us back to God.

About a month ago I got a new CD from one of my favorite singing groups that has roots right here in my beloved Bloomington: Straight No Chaser. Among the songs on the CD is the most amazing arrangement of the song "Till There Was You" from the musical The Music Man. If you aren't familiar with the story, this song is sung by Marian the Librarian when she realizes that she has fallen for Harold Hill.

Only when I heard this particular arrangement, sung by these ten amazing men it wasn't a love song between a woman and a man, but to me it was someone realizing that the entire world looks and sounds different when one becomes aware of God in his or her life. Everything changes, colors are brighter, music is sweeter, and somehow the whole world looks so amazing. There is Love all around, because God is Love, and those who live in Love live in God, and God in them.

Listen to the lyrics, and put yourself in the place of the singer. How has your world changed because you are aware that God is a part of all that you do?

Pax

God is Completely Satisfied With You Just The Way You Are . . .

2011-09-26T11:02:00.000-04:00

the problem is, you have no idea who you are.

That was one of the messages that I got from a retreat on Practical Christianity this weekend. I spent the weekend listening to that still small voice from within. It was telling me that as much as I want to love God, I need to also learn to love myself as God loves me. God loves the authentic me, and in my ego-centeredness I may or may not be close at all to knowing who that person is.

I know who I think I should be, but does that mean that my opinion of who I am and where I am going is the same as God's? Probably far from it. It is only through lots of intentional prayer, and discernment that I will ever come to know who it is that God sees when God looks at me.

Fr. Adrian, (our retreat master) said we should look at it as though we are athletes training for competition. We can't become elite level Christians without intentionally setting aside time to make ourselves fit enough to be the person God sees us to be. We have to work on our whole self; mind, body and spirit.

I am good at working on the spirit and mind part of my elite level training program. I love to learn new things, I am constantly reading spiritual books and the bible and spending time in prayer and meditation. I spend time offering my services to others in volunteer activities and share my joy of salvation with others every chance I get.

Where I fall down is taking care of my body. I need to get more exercise, and learn to eat better to control my blood pressure and blood sugar. Exercise would help my arthritis. Eating right coupled with the exercise would lead to weight loss which would in turn be good for my knees.

So, I am going to try really hard to work on myself. I am going to spend some time every day being intentional about taking care of my body which is a temple of the Holy Spirit; the place where God resides. Because from now on it is not I but Christ who lives in and through me, and He shouldn't have to live in a place that looks like it ought to be condemned.

PAX

My Swiss Cheese Memory Worked in Our Favor For Once

2011-09-04T19:50:00.002-04:00

So, Saturday afternoon I was sitting with two of my daughters watching How to Train Your Dragon when mrangelmeg came into the room and asked if we wanted to go to Mass that night and sleep in on Sunday morning. We all looked at each other and said, sure. We stopped the tape and went got ready for Mass. When we were ready to leave we realized that our amazing autistic daughter hadn't yet come out of her room.

When I asked if she was ready to leave she said no, she wasn't planning on coming to Mass with us. So since we had to leave immediately to get there on time we left without her. But this is where my Swiss Cheese memory comes in to play. As soon as we sat down in Church my angelbaby looked over at me and said, "Mom, we are supposed to sing at ten o'clock Mass tomorrow." I just chuckled and said, "Well I guess we get to go to Mass twice this weekend then."

Does everyone remember what the lesson of the readings was though? It was about our responsibility in giving fraternal correction when needed. And Fr. used as an example from his own life going to Mass as one of the times when it is our chance to help people who don't go to Mass to want to come to Mass.

So, when we got home, over dinner we told Molly that Fr. Tom had talked about her during his homily. She asked what he had said about her but we told her that she would have to come to ten o'clock Mass when we went to sing in the choir to find out what he had said. She was so intrigued, that she was up, dressed and waiting for us when we were ready to leave in the morning.

After Mass as we were driving home I asked her if she heard what Fr. had said about her. She said, "Yes, he said, it is important to go to Mass." It was a great lesson, thanks to my Swiss cheese memory and a great homily by our parish priest and a lazy daughter who will probably not miss another mass for a while.

Pax

The Dirty Little Relationship Secret of Women and Purses

2011-08-25T11:58:00.001-04:00

I have uncovered the root of the age old dilemma of why a rational woman can be in a monogamous relationship with one man for an entire lifetime but cannot remain faithful to one purse for longer than six months. Admit it ladies, we all have the pile of cast offs in the back of our closet to prove it.

A woman goes out and finds a purse that she absolutely loves, and for a short time that purse is everything she will ever need. Eventually though the purse's flaws begin to show; the cell phone pocket is on the wrong side, there is no place to secure a pen so everytime you need one you have to practically dump out the entire contents of the purse just to find one, not enough space for all your credit cards -- how on earth can you live with that -- I ask you?

After exhaustive discussion with many of my women friends, and looking over all of my stash of old purses for evidence I have come to a conclusion about why it is that women can't remain with one purse for the long haul. It is because we don't get to date our purses!

When we see a purse we like in the store we have to make a full time commitment to it. We don't get the chance to try it out for a while and see what flaws it might have before we decide to take it on. I don't know about the rest of you, but if I had had to make a decision about mrangelmeg on the first day we met, chances are he would have not made the cut, as cute as he was at the time it took a while for his charms to grow on me. On the other hand some of the guys I thought I really liked on that first look turned out to be really really not worth a second or third date (one wasn't even worth the first date, but that is entirely another story).

Yet, when we pick up that purse in the store and look it over and decide that it is the right color, or has the right kind of pockets and amenities we have to make a commitment to it. It is only after we are committed to it that we find out that it has flaws.

In a relationship with a person, you tend to learn their flaws before you make a commitment to them, and you can decide if you are willing to live with the flaws, or if you are wiling to put in the effort to help them overcome their flaws. Not so with purses. A purse has flaws that will never go away, so you just have to live with them, and they begin to grate on your nerves.

That is why a woman will put a perfectly good purse on the pile at the back of her closet at the start of a "new season" and go off to hunt for a new model. The old one let us down. We are looking for perfection.

I noticed in my research that I tend to buy almost the exact same purse, just in different colors each new season. It has a pocket for my IPod and another for my cell phone. It has a built in wallet and is medium in size. I considered for a moment just going back to one of my old purses when the latest one let me down, but as I looked through the pile all I saw were the flaws in the old ones.

Sigh, I suppose it is time to go out and try to find a new, perfect match. Maybe, just maybe this one will be exactly what I am looking for in a purse.

Hey, stop laughing, it could happen!

Pax

A New Year

2011-08-24T14:00:00.000-04:00

It has been a year since my mom's death. In the Victorian era it would be time to take the black wreath off of the door and stop wearing black clothing. It is time to move on, get on with the stuff of living. They had the right idea.

Now I feel as though I can move on. My regrets are fewer, and my memories are sweeter. I can imagine a life without my mother in it now. I am ready to get on with the stuff of living again. I love my mother, but I know that she is where she wants to be, in heaven with my dad. And I can be happy that she is there now in a way I couldn't be a year ago.

My year of mourning is over.

Pax

A Class Act from a Classy Kid

2011-08-22T10:04:00.000-04:00

Glee is getting a new foreign exchange student this season thanks to The Glee Project.

Damian McGinty won a 7 episode arc on Glee last night on the finally of The Glee project. He did such an amazing job singing Beyond the Sea and giving it his own unique twist (in a way that no one on Glee has ever done to my way of thinking. A kid with an old world, Sinatra-esque charm will be a nice addition to the show's cast.

What is most impressive to me is that throughout the entire Glee Project Damian was the most humble, consistently nice and endearing, and real contestant of all of them. Of course he was trying to win, but he didn't have to be fake or hurtful of others in order to do it. That is just the kind of kid that he is.

And his class really showed through in this letter that was posted on the Celtic Thunder Website today. He has been with Celtic Thunder since he was 14 years old (oh yeah, that is why he looks so familiar, you are saying to yourself). While he is sad to have to leave them, he knows that being on Glee is just the start of a whole new part of his life.

I wish him all the best.

What He Said: Fr. Barron responds to Bill Maher's "Religulous"

2011-08-20T22:49:00.000-04:00

The Longest Journey . . .

2011-08-20T10:25:00.000-04:00

is the one that takes us deep within.

It is this inner journey where we encounter God in the most profound way, because at our core is where God resides. This journey involves spending a lot of time in prayer. And to me, the best form of prayer for the inner journey isn't verbal, conversational prayer, but silent, contemplative prayer.

I read an interesting quote by Abraham Joshua Heschel about prayer that in essence says that it is conceit to think that we can actually talk to God. Prayer is more of an immersion in God, being enveloped and surrounded by God's love and mercy.

That is the best definition of contemplative prayer. When I practice contemplation that is exactly what I feel, I feel as though I am immersed in God's love, totally surrounded by it and gaining strength from it in the silence of my prayer time.

My favorite analogy for God is the ocean. I am a fish in the ocean and God is the water that surrounds me and sustains me in every way. In it I move and breath and have my being. I am so comfortable in my surroundings that I sometimes forget that everything that I have comes from God's love. As I meditate on this image it helps me to go deeper into myself and uncover my dependence on God and my deep and abiding love for his tender mercies.

Don't be afraid to try contemplative prayer, just remember that in this case, the longest journey, begins with one image.

Pax

Blogaversary: I'm 7 This Year!

2011-08-17T12:56:00.000-04:00

Seven years ago this month I started on this journey of blogging my thoughts for my loyal readers to enjoy. I have written a lot of my life experiences and done some pretty darn good essays about matters of faith. I have enjoyed sharing things I have read or seen on other sights or in the news. But to be completely honest, the most important reason that I have kept this up for seven years is that I can't afford therapy.

Writing is my therapy. I would continue to write on this blog if no one ever visited this site. I have wondered at times about ways to increase my readership, but it doesn't really matter. I write for me, and in some cases, I write for God. So if someone stumbles onto my site or is directed here because of my Facebook or Twitter links and is inspired or challenged by something I write, that is God's plan.

My goal isn't to have thousands of followers or win awards for what I write here. My goal is to write what is in my heart. If what I write touches one person, then that is enough for me.

Thank you to those of you who show up here from time to time to see what I decide to share on these pages. Thanks even more to those of you who comment on my posts, because your comments make me think and make me stronger in my faith and make me a better writer as well.

I wonder what the next year will bring? It will be fun finding out.

Pax

The Real Vocational Crisis: We Aren't Praying Equally for All of Them

2011-08-01T15:33:00.002-04:00

Twice in the past two days I have heard or read impassioned prayers for young people to be open to God's vocational call to the priesthood and religious life. Neither prayer mentioned asking God's help for these young people to listen carefully and thoughtfully to God's call to Holy Matrimony, which is also a vocational path to which arguably most of these young men and women will be more likely to be called than to either the Priesthood or religious life. I think this is a very huge mistake.

I contend that a lot of the problem with marital difficulties among men and women who were raised in the Catholic church might be because we live in a larger culture that sees marriage as a limited, disposable and often unnecessary institution. And then within our churches we hear prayers for vocations which call only the priesthood and religious life as being set apart, called by God for a higher purpose.

Speaking for myself as well as my devoted husband, we both know that from a young age we were called to the vocation of marriage. We went into our marriage thinking of it as a vocational choice to honor God and through how we live our lives and raise our children to point others toward God. In the act of having our five beautiful children, and raising them in the faith we are doing it for the greater good of the Kingdom. We continually pray for our marriage as a vocation, and to help our children be open to God's vocational call to them wherever that call may lead them.

And yet, when the Church as a whole prays for vocations, my children only hear about vocations to the priesthood and religious life. They don't hear about marriage as a vocation and rarer still are prayers for the vocation of single Catholic adult. (to which at least one of my children has been called I believe).

As I see it (and have only heard in one vocational prayer) Marriage is the source of all other vocations. Without holy marriages open to procreation where will the Church find the children to be called to be the next generation of priests and religious? Since the church doesn't believe in artificial insemination they won't be creating them in a laboratory.

I also contend that if we worked as a church to pray for and strengthen the vocation of Holy Matrimony, and teach it as a vocation to which men and women are called the crisis in vocations to the priesthood and religious life will be overcome. Men and women will choose marriage more wisely and with a thought toward having more than 2.2 children (if you look at some of the families in our churches today you see these kinds of couples already emerging). More children raised in the faith means more children for God to call to vocations to the priesthood and religious life.

So the cure for the vocations crisis is not in praying for more vocations to the priesthood and religious life, but in praying for the vocation of holy matrimony first, or at least as equal to and on the same level as the other vocations in the church.

I wonder if we had an International year of the Family within the church, and focused all of our prayers for an entire year on that vocation, what kind of miracles might begin to happen?

Pax

Knitting Myself Back Together

2011-07-31T14:24:00.001-04:00

I just realized something about a week ago. I haven't really been knitting much since January. That means since the worst of my depression I haven't been able to pick up the needles and work the stitches.

Then about a week ago I pulled a book off of my stack of "to be read when I have the time" novels and began to read. The book just happened to be The Knitting Circle by Ann Hood. It is a book about knitting and grief. One woman early on in the book even says "We knit to save our lives."

In an amazing God-incidence, the final character introduced to the knitting circle in the book is a woman named Maggie who is so filled with grief that she can't seem to learn even the most basics of knitting.

After I finished reading the book I read the Author's forward (in the reading group copy, Norton Publishing,). In it Ms. Hood states that during a time of grief in her own life she lost her ability to write. I too am experiencing a very dry spell in my own writing. I can't seem to get any ideas from my head into words on the screen. I am at a total loss. I barely even write in my journal. It was such a gift to know that 1) another writer had been where I am now and found her way out of it successfully and 2) knitting helped.

So, I am picking up a project I began last Christmas when my daughter was visiting; a shawl for her to take on airplanes where she is always cold that she can use as a blanket on the plane but wear as a shawl through the airport. It has a beautiful basket-weave pattern that is very rhythmic and will help me get out of my thoughts. Each stitch will be a prayer for my daughter and with each stitch I will hopefully be closer and closer to feeling like I can live without the weight of my grief someday.

It feels good to have the needles in my hands again. The yarn slips through my fingers and with each row the shawl takes shape. In a very cathartic way it even feels good to tink and frog -- remove mistakes for non knitters. Tink means to remove stitches one at a time (knit spelled backward, get it) and frogging means ripping out entire rows or numbers of rows of stitches (rip-it rip-it rip-it). And when I finish this project I have already picked out my next one, but I need to make a trip to the yarn store for that because I looked in my needle drawer and I don't have the right needles to make it. Wonder what treasures I will find when I get there?

Pax

Crock-Pot Healing

2011-07-27T20:56:00.002-04:00

We are so immersed in the Microwave generation it is really hard for us to think in the long term anymore. So when healing takes a long time it can be really hard to be a patient patient. I am in the middle of a long slow healing process, and I am running low on patience. I want to be back to normal now. Each time I go to the Dr. I get good news, but even that isn't enough. I want a microwave healing instead of a crock pot healing.

As I was thinking about this the other day I remembered a story one of my spiritual directors told me about St. Therese the Little Flower. She was very impatient for something to happen and her spiritual director told her that you can empty a vase by turning it over and dumping out the water or you can empty the water by dropping in one tiny pebble after the other. Each tiny pebble displaces a bit of the water, and eventually after enough pebbles have been dropped into the vase the water will all be gone, and in its place will be thousands of tiny pebbles. God works in both ways; sometimes God chooses the latter way because it is more compassionate. We need the time that it takes with each pebble drop to adjust to the change in water level.

So the slow and steady upward trend of my healing is just fine by me because God's timing, while it may not be my ideal choice, is perfect. I would love to be healthy tomorrow, but there is much I can learn as I wait; patience, cooperation, determination, courage, strength and an appreciation for how fearfully, wonderfully I am made.

Pax

Be Careful How You Word Your Prayers

2011-07-17T13:16:00.000-04:00

So, I have had a horrible dry stretch in my writing. I have attempted at least three times a week to open the files for either project I am working on and I sit for at least a half hour staring at a blank computer screen and I can think of nothing to write. I haven't even been able to write blog posts that I think are very good. I have written a few that I thought were passable, but not like the old days.

I mentioned it to a friend how frustrating it feels to be a writer with nothing in my head to write and she told me a story.

There is a psychologist who works with people in Los Angeles. At times he works with creative types like screenwriters and authors. When one of his patients has writer's block he says they should try this:

Every day when you wake up you say a prayer asking God to allow you to write the worst sentence you have ever written, and then set about the task of writing. Somehow giving yourself permission to write lousy prose breaks through the mental block you are experiencing.

So, I did just that, for weeks I prayed that God would allow me to write the worst sentence I had ever written. Then I sat there at my computer and still nothing came. Then one day I was sitting at my computer trying to write a blog post about gratitude and it happened. I wrote three of the worst sentences I had ever written in my entire life. They were trite, uninteresting and made less than no sense.

I sat at my computer, and looked at them and almost cried with relief. God had answered my prayer.

I learned two very important lessons that day: 1) God answers prayers in God's time, so be persistent in prayer. and 2) be really specific about what you want from God. Why couldn't I have asked in my prayer for God to allow me to write like I used to write; meaningful prose from deep in my soul? Prose that was so beautiful that sometimes I would read it and wonder at the fact that it had actually come from me.

Thank you God for answering my prayer, but next time could you give me what I need and not what I ask for?

Pax

Downloading Patience

2011-07-09T14:29:00.000-04:00

So, I am sitting here at my favorite Starbucks, sipping a Zen tea and waiting for a very, very long download to complete to my computer/Garmin. It occurred to me that watching something download is the New Millennium equivalent of watching paint dry. It is the most boring, frustrating activity I can think of doing.

Silly me, I forgot to bring a book with me.

It wasn't until I had been watching the numbers go down, then back up, then down, then back up again for about thirty-five minutes, that I was wasting a great opportunity to practice patience instead of annoyance. I mean really, here I was drinking Zen tea, and becoming more and more frustrated instead of using all this wonderful free time to let my mind center on God.

I began to take that inner journey, letting go of everything; my surroundings, the smooth jazz coming from the XM radio station playing in the background, the download status that kept trending up-then-down on my computer screen, even the fact that my hair was still a bit wet from my workout at the gym just before I came here, and sat with my eyes closed and centered myself on that seed, planted deep inside. (The image I have come to use as my center). Conscious of my breathing, and then even letting that go I let the moments slip away along with my frustrations, cares, heartaches and prayers.

I allowed myself to completely rest, wanting nothing, seeking nothing, doing nothing.

Patience is surrender. Surrender is peace. Purity of heart is to will one thing.

Who knew downloading Garmin Maps would be the pathway to peace?

Pax

Blimey!

2011-06-28T14:21:00.000-04:00

Even funnier if you realize that the accent he uses in Law and Order UK isn't his real posh upper-middle class British accent either.

Jamie Bamber is a really versatile actor.

BBC America Rocks.

Pax

The World-Wide Outrage No One Talks About

2011-06-27T15:42:00.000-04:00

It is estimated that there are up to 160 million women missing world-wide. This has been attributed to poor healthcare, nutrition and education in third world countries. But this is only half of the story. Second trimester abortion for gender selection has become the norm in countries like China where the ratio of men to women is becoming more and more out of balance with each generation since the practice began just after the one child per family rule went into effect.

Read a great opinion piece on the topic here.

When will Women's Rights Organizations take up the fight to save these women from wholesale slaughter for the sake of male dominance?

Don't hold your breath.

Pax

Laude Sion

2011-06-26T10:38:00.000-04:00

Today is the Feast of Corpus Christi, no it isn't they day that we celebrate the city in Texas, but the Body and Blood of Christ our Savior. What better way to do that than with this amazing Sequence written by Thomas Aquinas:

Laud O Zion

ZION, to Thy Savior sing,
to Thy Shepherd and Thy King!
Let the air with praises ring!
All thou canst, proclaim with mirth,
far higher is His worth
than the glory words may wing.

Read the rest here. (in Latin and English)

What does the Body and Blood of Christ mean in your life?

Pax

Tonight: Sharing Burdens Sharing Joys

2011-06-17T14:01:00.001-04:00

Have you ever heard the saying that sharing your burdens cuts them in half and sharing your joys doubles them? That is the way it has been between my sister and I.

We were both born in March, two years and one day apart so we shared a birthday celebration our entire lives. Although I went to college and she didn't we both married guys from the same fraternity at the Engineering school in the town where we went to High School, even though she met her husband when she was still in High School and I didn't meet mine until I was nearly out of college.

When our children were growing up we shared the joys and hardships of raising our kids. When our mom became ill it was together that my sister and I shared the burden of her long term care. If not for having my sister to help me think through the decisions that had to be made I would probably have been in a lot worse shape.

Last year as my sister and her husband were dealing with the horrible accident that nearly took the life of their son and the ensuing lengthy rehabilitation, it just happened that my sister's and my birthday fell right in the middle of their ordeal. Mrangelmeg and I took it upon ourselves to drive up to the rehab hospital with our oldest daughter so that she could stay with our nephew while we took my sister and brother-in-law away for a night of celebration and relaxation. They rarely left the hospital to do things for themselves.

We took them to a wonderful dinner at my favorite steak place where, because it was my birthday, we got an amazing desert called Mile High Chocolate Pie. It took all four of us to eat one piece. It was the most wonderful evening and really helped them relieve some of the stress of their long ordeal.

Our husbands' birthdays are in June, four days (and one year) apart.

This year, to repay us for the favor we did them, they have invited us to join them for another dinner at the same steak house tonight, on my brother-in-law's birthday (to celebrate the men's birthdays). I think as much as my brother-in-law wants to celebrate sharing the joy of being together again, he is really looking forward to that Mile-high-pie.

At least no one is going through a major trial this year, but we will share the little sorrows and joys of parenting, as there are always those. And we will talk about the memories we have of growing up, and all the years we have known each other, and the upcoming retreat we are all attending at St. Meinrad (my Holy Hill Gradual School), because my brother-in-law has been on retreat there and wants us to join him. (How funny is that?)

It should be a very enjoyable evening. I am looking forward to the company, well, that and the pie.

Pax

Summer Memories

2011-06-13T18:39:00.001-04:00

When I was very young I had a friend named Jeff. He was a year ahead of me in school and wasn't afraid of anything in the entire world. I was in awe of that, because I was afraid of just about everything.

Jeff was a daredevil. We lived on a very steep hilly street, and Jeff's house was one block higher up the hill from mine. Jeff would ride his Schwinn Racer bike so fast down the hill and go flying past our house like a blur. I was too afraid to ride as fast as he did. In the winters we would sled down the hills of the park across the street from our houses and Jeff could make his sled go so fast, careening around trees and flying off the end of the hill out into the middle of the street. It is a wonder he didn't break his arms or legs each winter.

One winter, Jeff got the insane idea that he and I should pour water down the concrete embankment on the side of my front steps and let it ice over and then slide down the ice on our feet. He convinced me that nothing bad could possibly happen to us, so we did just that. We carried pitcher after pitcher of water out and poured it over the concrete, watching as it froze the snow into a sheet of ice. When he judged that it was frozen enough he took an running start and jumped onto the ice and slid, with a bit of a wobble, all the way down to the bottom of the stairs.

I was terrified, but didn't want to look like a sissy, so I took a try, it was the most amazing sensation I had ever felt; even better than sledding. We both took another turn, and then another, which was probably wearing down the ice because on my next turn down the slope I lost my balance completely and fell face first onto the edge of one of the concrete stairs. I cut my forehead just above my eyebrow, and there was blood everywhere on the crisp white snow. Facial cuts bleed quite a bit, apparently. Jeff went running into my house to get my mom, when they came back out he was in tears apologizing over and over because it had all been his idea. My mom had to put a butterfly bandage over my cut eyebrow to stop the bleeding, and then ice over that to keep it from swelling but the cut wasn't really all that big. To this day you can see the scar there above my eye from our little luge adventure.

He had a fascination with leprechauns, and for one entire summer he carried around a huge butterfly net determined that he was going to catch one in the woods of the park. My brothers put a doll head in the knot hole of one the trees in the woods and teased him that they had seen one on their way home for lunch. Jeff got all excited and took his net and ran off into the woods. I remember the look on his face, he was so full of glee that day. He was so close to his goal of having his own pet leprechaun. We followed him up into the woods my brothers giggling and giggling so hard . He was so sad when he realized that they had tricked him.

We went to an Elementary School that had an open campus meaning we were allowed to walk home for lunch if we lived close enough to get there, eat lunch and get back in our forty-five minute lunch period. Since both my mom and Jeff's mom were both better cooks than what we could get from the cafeteria, we often walked home for lunch; Jeff would leave me at my house and walk the extra block to his house. When it was time to go back to school Jeff would stop at my house and wait for me so that we could walk back together. We had wonderful talks about so many things on these walks. They were very special times.

I remember the last day of his sixth grade year when we were walking back to school and he said, "I am going to miss this next year", because he would be going to Junior High and I still had another year of elementary school/ I didn't say anything then, but I would miss them too. I took my lunch a lot more often in sixth grade, somehow going home for lunch had lost its charm.

Jeff had a paper route before I did, in fact it was because of Jeff probably that I got a paper route. He got his because he wanted a new bike and a new fishing pole and his mom said they couldn't afford it,. so he went out and got himself a job as a paperboy to make enough money to pay for the things he wanted.

He loved to fish, and most of the spring, summer and fall he was never without his fishing pole and tackle box strapped to the back of his bike. The Mississippi river was just a few miles from our house and he loved to ride down there on his own to fish, sometimes for the entire day. I hated fishing, this was one adventure we never shared.

You may wonder why I am suddenly reminiscing about my old friend? It is because the summer that I was 12 years old Jeff died. On June 8, 1972 Jeff came home from his paper route, gave the money to his mom and went down to the river to watch the fishermen, something he did all of the time. He was never seen again, People in the community searched for nearly a week first finding his bike and then his badly decomposed body naked and strangled on June 15.

I miss him so much this year especially for some reason, maybe because there has been so much loss in my life. Even my sister called to say she had dreamed about him just the other night. Was Jeff too fearless for his own good? Was he killed by a serial killer passing through the area? We have always wondered. My younger brother spent years trying to solve Jeff's case, which remained open until the mid 80's when the FBI declared it closed due to lack of new evidence.

We had an idyllic childhood, we had total freedom to roam wherever we wanted to, miles and miles away from home, until the summer Jeff disappeared, Then everything changed. I don't know if we were scared, or our parents were scared, but we didn't get as far from home after that summer.

I have wonderful memories, and frightening dreams and a little scar over my eyebrow. Jeff would be 52 years old this year. I have always wondered what kind of man he would have become.

Come Holy Spirit Come

2011-06-12T20:50:00.034-04:00

the earth was a formless wasteland,

and darkness covered the abyss,

while a mighty wind swept over the waters

Genesis 1:2

Today is Pentecost. The day when we celebrate the descent of the Holy Spirit on the Apostles in the Upper Room and the birth of the Church in the world. For me this day has an entirely different meaning as my faith matures.

I have become a person of faith not because of God the Father or God the Son, but because of God the Spirit. I can relate to the vast wasteland living in darkness waiting for something to happen, until the Spirit swept over me and moved me to a deeper understanding of myself and my relationship with God, the universe and everyone I encounter.

Of course I have to admit here that I am moved by the Spirit within the structure of the Catholic Church, it is where I find I can express my faith with complete authenticity. I am fed by the Eucharist, and refreshed by the Reconciliation, and my marriage is a vocation lived out in sacramental holiness on a daily basis. The more I learn about my church (as human and flawed as it can be at times) the more I fall in love with the intimate connection it gives me to this Trinitarian, relational God who is One, yet Three, forever in motion in a Celestial dance and in whom I I move and breath and have my being.

The closer I move to this ineffable force that draws me deeper and deeper into a love relationship with my faith I am finding that as I am learning more and more Pneumatology (great big word that mean Spirit talk) The Spirit is the guiding force compelling me onward, or in the case of most spiritual journeys, inward.

The Spirit moves like a gentle breeze, or a mighty wind, and moves me where it wills. As I learn to move with the Spirit the dance becomes easier.

So today is a day to remember the Spirit of God.

How does the Spirit move you?

Pax

An Evening of Animated Blues Well Spent

2011-06-12T19:10:00.001-04:00

This past weekend was my semi-annual visit with my Gradual School family in our favorite little house down on the grounds of the Monastery/School of Theology where we spent so many years together studying theology, scripture and philosophy. Now when we get together we usually don't have an agenda, but rather spend the time mostly eating, drinking, chatting or sitting in companionable silence as we each read our own books. Sometimes we shop at the gift shop or Scholar Shop (the Theology School Book Store).

On this particular weekend we were surprised by our beloved professor Fr. Damien when he brought a movie with him and asked us all if we wanted to watch it instead of our normal round of conversation. Of course, because we love him and trust his judgement implicitly, we said yes and put in the DVD. Boy did we get more than we bargained for.

The movie was Sita Sings the Blues (see below). It was the most amazing animated adventure. It weaves a contemporary story of a young couple with the Indian Myth of Rama and Sita from the Ramayana (a well known tale to all young Indian children). and in between the two is the music of Annette Hanshaw from the 1920's era. I wish I could explain it better, but it is something you have to experience for yourself.

So, Netflix, or Amazon, or however you can, find a way to see this wonderful little movie. You will not be disappointed and you will learn some wonderful Indian Folklore in a very inventive way.

Pax

Catholic Summer Reading Program

2011-06-08T09:46:00.005-04:00

Where Do You Hear The Voice! of God?

2011-05-17T11:13:00.000-04:00

I have for years contended that there are many secular songs that can be perceived as songs of love from God to us if you listen with the Ignatian view that you can find God in all things. In fact in certain cases I would contend that the songwriter's intention was to leave it open to that broad interpretation when he/she wrote the song. Many of the band U2's songs have that impact of double meaning, on one level a love song and on a deeper level a song of searching for a deeper relationship that goes way beyond human love.

I have always had a very special affinity for "You Got Lucky" by Tom Petty. From the first time I heard it, many years ago I have thought that it could be heard as a love song from God. Perhaps my feelings were colored by the fact that at the time I was a lonely college kid who didn't have a date in sight and was looking for love from someone, and found consolation in the thought that God would always love me and I was truly lucky that God had "found me".

The other night when I was watching my new favorite competition show on television: The Voice! on NBC, I had another AHA moment about a song I have probably heard hundreds of times sung by Keith Urban, but on this particular night it was sung by an 18 year old woman. The song is Stupid Boy, and it turned into an entirely different song, about losing faith instead of just losing a girl. It gave me chills.

I don't know why this surprises me so much. I have always felt that You'll think of Me, by Keith Urban is a song about turning away from God. We can move away, but we can never get so far away that we don't have that thought of God in the back of our minds no matter whoever else "arms" we find ourselves in.

So there are many songs that bring me to thoughts of God, okay so no matter how masterfully it is sung, I will freely admit that "Baby Got Back" doesn't have anything to redeem it, but then maybe someone else can find the God-ness of that particular song.

What secular song makes you think of God in a way that takes your breath away?

PAX

Opportunity Comes from Circumstance

2011-05-11T10:39:00.000-04:00

This morning the priest who was supposed to fill in for Fr. Tim for daily Mass didn't show up. This was the Middle School Mass, so the Principal of our school frantically tried to find the priest, but when he realized that there wasn't going to be one available, he went to "plan B" and prepared for a Communion Service.

Sadly this isn't the first time we have had to do this since our sudden pastoral change, but in today's case it turned out that the lesson that the kid's got in lieu of a homily was really great, so while it might not have been a best case scenario, our principal did make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

The Gospel for today was John 6:35-40

Jesus said to the crowds,
“I am the bread of life;
whoever comes to me will never hunger,
and whoever believes in me will never thirst.
But I told you that although you have seen me,
you do not believe.
Everything that the Father gives me will come to me,
and I will not reject anyone who comes to me,
because I came down from heaven not to do my own will
but the will of the one who sent me.
And this is the will of the one who sent me,
that I should not lose anything of what he gave me,
but that I should raise it on the last day.
For this is the will of my Father,
that everyone who sees the Son and believes in him
may have eternal life,
and I shall raise him on the last day.”

He got eleven of the kids from the school to come to the front of the church. One young man he blindfolded, and the other ten he asked to stand randomly between the young man and the other side of the church.

Then he told the blindfolded young man that the other young men and women represented land mines. Would he rather try to get to the other side of the church on his own or with the Principal's guidance. Of course the young man chose to be guided by the Principal.

The Principal then guided the young man through the "land mines" to the other side. He then spoke for a while about how the students, especially the Eighth graders would soon be moving out into the world where they would find many "land mines" that would be dangerous for them, but Jesus promised them that if they believed in Him and were willing to Follow Him, He would not leave them and although it might be hard, they would be able to get through anything if they would put their trust in Jesus.

He then asked the blindfolded young man to trust him, and without touching him, only by following the sound of his voice, the Principal lead him back through the "land mines". Each step was taken very carefully, and with each step the Principal gently said "follow me" so that the blindfolded young man could follow in the direction of his voice. He came close to a few "land mines" but never bumped directly into one.

What an awesome visual message. It isn't always easy to follow Jesus, but if we listen carefully He will lead us in the direction that we are to go.

PAX

This is the Reality

2011-05-10T09:16:00.000-04:00

I read recently that Michael J. Fox's foundation is pouring millions of dollars into embryonic stem cell research to combat the Parkinson's disease that he has been living with since his early thirties. He is hoping to find a treatment that will extend his life by twenty or thirty years, and possibly even a cure. My problem with this is, at what expense?

The reality is, people die; and some people die young. My father died at the age of 48 of brain cancer. If there were a treatment available for my father that involved the destruction of human embryos, I know for a fact that he would have refused it. There is no way that he would destroy other lives to stay alive one more day.

We are not guaranteed that we will live to old age. We don't have the right to stay alive at any cost. Selfishly we all want ourselves and our families and friends to live long lives. The reality also is that the world is full of incurable diseases, and there are just some things we should not do to try to cure them, such as use the bodies of unborn children as research material. We can only prolong the inevitable for so long anyway.

My mother suffered for nearly twelve years from alzheimer's disease. What was once a vibrant, intelligent woman became a helpless shell who could no longer do the simplest tasks for herself. Yet, I would no sooner wish that Alzhiemer's reseachers used embryonic stem cells in their search for a cure for this horrible disease than I would wish that my mother had been hooked up to Dr Jack Kevorkian's little machine with the "get me out of here" button so that her life could have been ended sooner than later. While to some her life may have seemed meaningless, to me it had dignity and purpose until such time as she died not by some artificial means but when she died because it was her time, as she did last August.

In point of fact the only real success that has been achieved with stem cells in treating disease has been with adult stem cells. Embryonic stem cells are too erratic (or so says Dr. Oz, of Oprah fame) and unpredictable in how they grow and change.

One of my close friends who was struggling with Multiple Myeloma was being treated with adult stem cells. He had tried two types of adult stem cell transplants (one his own cells and one from a donor- his sister) in his efforts to beat back this disease. After four years, he lost his courageous fight with this disease at the age of 57. I am sure that if they offered him a chance to try an embryonic stem cell treatment he too would have refused.

Life isn't fair, we aren't promised a certain quantity of years. but we can control the quality of the years we have.

Pax

Love and Death And Winning at Tickle Tiger

2011-05-06T12:33:00.001-04:00

When we were growing up we would play this game called Tickle Tiger with my father. We would all crawl around our rather large living room. Dad would roar and chase us and if he caught us he would tickle us until we were giggling little slugs rolled into tiny balls on the floor.

For my sisters and brothers and me, it was the best game in the world. Dad was a really big guy, over six feet tall and had played football in high school and college. He had an amazing laugh that could make us laugh even before he got close enough to us to tickle us. Dad would play until he had rendered us all senseless.

Sometimes mom would join the game. When that happened dad would chase mom behind the couch, and it would become very quiet. Eventually we would climb up onto the couch to look and we would find them; mom wrapped in dad's arms and they would be kissing.

Once when my younger brother Matt was three and we found them behind the couch he said " Dad you don't 'posed to kiss her you 'posed to tickle her, silly." But I was six and much wiser and I knew that our game of Tickle Tiger was over, and mom had won.

My parents had an amazingly loving relationship. They produced nine children, and were never embarrassed to show affection in front of us. They often sat at the table in the morning over one last cup of coffee before dad had to leave for work holding hands and chatting about nothing in particular.

When I was 12, my dad got sick and a very tense year later died of a brain tumor. My mother suddenly had to become totally chaste, not by her own choosing, but because of a circumstance beyond her control. I had always hoped that she would find love again, but she always maintained that there was only one love for her in this world. For the next 38 years she lived waiting for the day when she and my dad would be united once again.

When my mom died early last fall (just days after her and dad's wedding anniversary) she was reunited with my dad. They are buried together in a military cemetery, which means they share the same burial plot and headstone with dad's information on the front and mom's on the back. When she was buried I could imagine dad's arms outstretched waiting to wrap them around mom in a loving and eternal embrace. They are together forever.

I miss mom every day, but when I think about how they are buried, in that loving embrace, I realize that she is exactly where she has wanted to be for a really, really long time. I know she is happy there. The game is over, mom has won again.

Happy Mother's Day mom.

Pax

Dear God,

2011-05-04T20:50:00.001-04:00

When Alex Renton an atheist came home to find his daughter had written this letter:

rather than shrug it off he handled it this way:

This is the text of the letter from a most surprising source:

Dear Lulu,

Your dad has sent on your letter and asked if I have any answers. It’s a difficult one! But I think God might reply a bit like this –

‘Dear Lulu – Nobody invented me – but lots of people discovered me and were quite surprised. They discovered me when they looked round at the world and thought it was really beautiful or really mysterious and wondered where it came from. They discovered me when they were very very quiet on their own and felt a sort of peace and love they hadn’t expected.

Then they invented ideas about me – some of them sensible and some of them not very sensible. From time to time I sent them some hints – specially in the life of Jesus – to help them get closer to what I’m really like.

But there was nothing and nobody around before me to invent me. Rather like somebody who writes a story in a book, I started making up the story of the world and eventually invented human beings like you who could ask me awkward questions!’

And then he’d send you lots of love and sign off.

I know he doesn’t usually write letters, so I have to do the best I can on his behalf. Lots of love from me too.

+Archbishop Rowan (Archbishop of Canterbury)

I Say Again Rejoice!

2011-04-30T17:18:00.002-04:00

Easter Monday

2011-04-25T09:14:00.000-04:00

Today is Dyngus Day , a traditional Polish day of festivities after the long Lenten Fast. If you live in our near a Polish Community you are lucky, because the food is amazing. We are blessed to have a Dyngus Day celebration at one of the local parishes, complete with all those great Polish delicacies: beet horseradish and hard boiled eggs, pirogies, polish sausage, sour kraut, and of course beer.

Fortunately for me, most of those foods would pass muster with my new eating plan, but unfortunately I have band practice tonight, so if I go it will be a quick run it to grab a bite before band and not a leisurely stay to visit with friends as it has been in the past.

One of the best things about Dyngus Day is that it reminds us that Easter isn't just a Sunday. Easter is a Season. We celebrate the Easter Season for 50 days, from now until Pentecost. Each day should ring with the sound of the Alleluia of recognition of the risen Lord's saving action in our lives.

After all, If Christ conquered death for us what other response could there be except to celebrate?

How will you celebrate these 50 days?

Pax

Easter Sunday Reflection: Rise!

2011-04-24T09:22:00.001-04:00

Part of my Lent was spent in a very depressed state. I was dealing with a lot; multiple health issues, the death of my mother months ago and then the death of a very close friend on Ash Wednesday. I was so deeply depressed that I was incapable of helping myself.

Most people who saw me outside of my house would have never known that there was a problem, because for a short amount of time I could put on a happy face and do what needed to be done, but those moments took so much energy that when I was home I was usually sleeping or laying on the couch incapable of doing much of anything.

I thank my husband and children for pitching in around the house, because without their help it would have been really bad around here. But I realized that I couldn't help myself, and asked for help, not only from God, but from my Dr.

I have been on anti-depressants and a new diet for a month now, and while I am not completely back to my old self, I can certainly tell the difference. When I told Fr. Bill last night after the Vigil Mass how much better I was feeling he gave me a huge hug and said. "She has risen!"

I had never thought about it that way, but I see now. I have risen from the depth of my despair and and can see that my life has joy and meaning and purpose again. Like Christ rising from the dark tomb; I am rising to new life. My resurrection may be a much slower process than His, but no less miraculous.

Where is resurrection happening in your life?

Pax

Holy Saturday: Waiting is The Hardest Part

2011-04-23T09:54:00.000-04:00

We went through the entire season of Advent waiting for Christ to be born as a human child.

Now we wait again.

This time, the Christ has just suffered and died for our sins and is in the tomb. And we wait.

It isn't fun to wait. We feel as though time moves more slowly. We hope in the promise that Christ would rise, but the reality is, we wait. We hope and we wait.

This day, Holy Saturday is a day for preparing for the resurrection, so we spend time in prayer and contemplation. We clean our houses for guests, because with the Resurrection of Easter tomorrow will be celebrations with family and friends.

And, we wait.

What is your hope this day as you wait.

Pax

Friday of Holy Week: Good Friday

2011-04-22T08:42:00.001-04:00

I have really bad knees, one is worse than the other, so I favor my left leg. For probably fifteen years or more I have been standing with more weight on my right side than my left side and it has caused serious problems with my left hip, knee and foot. I have lived with varying degrees of chronic pain over the last few years. Finally with a combination of physical therapy, exercise and acupuncture the pain is pretty much handled, but I still have to be very careful not to stand with all of my weight on my right side (old habits die hard).

What does this have to do with Good Friday, you ask? The entire time I have been going through all of the years of pain and suffering I would think about Christ on the cross, suffering for my sins and not once did it cross my mind to ask "Why me?" In fact in the face of that great love that Christ poured out by offering his life as reparation for my sins, I am able to say "Why not me?" Why shouldn't I be willing to carry this cross?

I work really hard at keeping my leg in shape, and for each incremental increase in the strength of my leg I begin to see the person that God intended me to be. The person that is capable of doing what God has set out for me to do.

As Christ did the will of God by carrying His cross and dying for all. I can do God's will by carrying my cross and living for all.

What cross are you living with this Good Friday?

Pax

Thursday of Holy Week

2011-04-21T12:13:00.000-04:00

My very good friend John had a lump on his breast bone. he went to the Dr. to find out what it was. He was trying to remain upbeat and to leave the concern in God's hands. A week later he was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, It was a devastating diagnosis. What was the first thing he and his wife did after hearing the diagnosis? They went on vacation. They would deal with treatments and drugs and surgeries later, but first they would enjoy each other's company.

My friend John died a few weeks ago. I miss him so much.

To me, Holy Thursday reminds me of my friend John. Jesus knew what was coming on Friday, but on Thursday he had a dinner with his Apostles and enjoyed their friendship one last time. He took Peter, James and John to the Garden with him. He wanted his friends around him as much as he could.

Holy Thursday is our time to revel in those moments of Christ and the Apostles together. The calm before the storm if you will. The music is so beautiful during the Holy Thursday Liturgy (and I am not just saying that because I sing in our Church Choir). Pange Lingua has to be one of my very favorite hymns and we are singing Durufle's Ubi Caritas as well.

And tonight at Liturgy, I can be with John at Mass, because the Mass is the one place where all people who have ever been to Mass and all those who will ever go to Mass are there in that moment of Kairos (God's time).

I love The Triduum. Holy Thursday is the celebration of that first Liturgy. Enter into it with all of your senses.

Pax

If There Isn't A Lock-Out

2011-04-20T16:10:00.000-04:00

Colts 2011 regular-season schedule

Week 1 - @ Houston Texans, Sun. Sept. 11, 1 p.m.

Week 2 - vs. Cleveland Browns, Sun. Sep. 18, 1 p.m.

Week 3 - vs. Pittsburgh Steelers, Sun. Sep. 25, 8:20 p.m.

Week 4 - @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Mon. Oct. 3, 8:30 p.m.

Week 5 - vs. Kansas City Chiefs, Sun. Oct. 9, 1 p.m.

Week 6 - @ Cincinnati Bengals, Sun. Oct. 16, 1 p.m.

Week 7 - @ New Orleans Saints, Sun. Oct. 23, 8:20 p.m.

Week 8 - @ Tennessee Titans, Sun. Oct. 30, 1 p.m.

Week 9 - vs. Atlanta Falcons, Sun. Nov. 6, 1 p.m.

Week 10 - vs. Jacksonville Jaguars, Sun. Nov. 13, 1 p.m.

Week 11 - BYE

Week 12 - vs. Carolina Panthers, Sun. Nov. 27, 1 p.m.

Week 13 - @ New England Patriots, Sun. Dec. 4, 8:20 p.m.

Week 14 - @ Baltimore Ravens, Sun. Dec. 11, 1 p.m.

Week 15 - vs. Tenneesee Titans, Sun. Dec. 18, 1 p.m.

Week 16 - vs. Houston Texans, Thu. Dec. 22, 8:20 p.m.

Week 17 - @ Jacksonville Jaguars, Sun. Jan. 1, 1 p.m

NOTE: » The opponents' combined record is 133-123, a schedule that ranks fifth-hardest in the league.

hmmm curious

Pax

Wednesday of Holy Week

2011-04-20T15:17:00.001-04:00

Did you know that this day of Holy Week used to be called Spy Wednesday? It is a day when the Mass readings talk of betrayal. Betrayal hurts, Jesus was not only betrayed by Judas, but also Peter denied even knowing him while he was being tried, scourged and put to death.

We all feel betrayed, by friends, sometimes by family. It leaves deep wounds that sometimes never heal and leave us unable to trust.

I am experiencing a type of betrayal that I suppose is true for everyone, my body is failing me. I have arthritis, and sleep apnea. I have bad knees, and asthma. I suppose it just means I am getting old, but it is worrisome to know that if the day is cold and wet my body will ache and I will not be able to feel warm no matter what I do.

It bothers me to think that without a machine I might stop breathing in my sleep, but at least there is a machine that will keep me breathing, right?

I watched an amazing story on 60 minutes the other night about a profoundly autistic young woman named Carley who finally has learned to communicate with the help of a computer. To the world she looks completely and totally disabled, but deep inside a body that constantly betrays her is a mind that is fertile and funny and forgiving. She has now started a weblog and a twitter feed to share her thoughts, which are not bound to her damaged body, with the world.

The point of all of these betrayals though is that no matter how many things we lose us. This is what Jesus remembered at the end when he commended His Spirit to His Father from the cross.

We may feel betrayed, but we are never forsaken, no matter how deep the wounds are.

If you can't do something one way, learn to do it another.

Pax

Tuesday of Holy Week

2011-04-19T08:58:00.000-04:00

In the past two weeks I have gotten two birthday presents in the mail. They have both been wonderful surprises, especially since my birthday was over a month ago. My children think it is really funny that I just keep getting gifts even though my birthday is long past. I just enjoy them, and feel very blessed.

God's grace is quite the same as those unexpected birthday gifts. If you live in a sense of awareness of God working in your life, everything is gift (grace). Every day in little ways and sometimes in very grand ways God reveals his love for us through graces in our lives. Which doesn't mean that when we make ourselves aware of God working in our lives everything is sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes, in the words of one of my favorite authors Flannery O'Connor God's grace can be "dark and disturbing" too.

Sometimes God's grace comes in a way that makes us realize how much we need Him. It is revealed in our weaknesses and our failings, which bring us to our knees in prayer and turn us back to His loving arms.

I am sitting here this morning on a cold rainy morning, which makes my arthritis flare and every joint in my body ache, waiting for it to be time to go to my Zumba Class. I know that it will take all the energy I can muster, and a little extra grace from God, to make myself go to Zumba this morning, But I also know that in God's dark and disturbing way if I do go there will be a benefit for my overall health and well being.

How will you be aware of God's grace in your life today?

Pax

Monday of Holy Week

2011-04-18T22:37:00.000-04:00

I belong to a band made up of parents of children at the school where my daughter (previously known as the angelbaby, until she hit her teen years) is in the 8th grade. Some of us have been playing an instrument for years, and can easily read music, and others are relatively new to the instrument they are playing and are just beginning to get the hang of reading music.

We practice together once a week. But those of us who don't practice more often than that feel as though we are falling behind, myself included some weeks. We have to work at our own parts so that when we get together we can work at sounding like a real band sounds and not a group of people who are trying to play instruments they are just learning how to play. We have also found that when we play with enthusiasm and joy, our sound is much better than when we play like timidly.

I think the same thing is true of the spiritual life. We are all at a different point in our spiritual life, and when we come to a point in the Church year like Holy Week, the more time we have put into our own spiritual development, like we should have been doing throughout the 40 days of lent, the more We will come together as One during this week.

Don't just sit back and let Holy Week happen to you, enter into it with all of your enthusiasm and joy, and not with timidity. Even if you haven't been practicing as much as you wish you had been the last 40 days.

Pax

A Reflection for Palm Sunday

2011-04-16T17:47:00.000-04:00

THE DONKEY
G.K. Chesterton

When fishes flew and forests walked
And figs grew upon thorn,
Some moment when the moon was blood
Then surely I was born;

With monstrous head and sickening cry
And ears like errant wings,
The devil's walking parody
On all four-footed things.

The tattered outlaw of the earth,
Of ancient crooked will;
Starve, scourge, deride me: I am dumb,
I keep my secret still.

Fools! For I also had my hour;
One far fierce hour and sweet:
There was a shout about my ears,
And palms before my feet.

Another Birthday Gift

2011-04-12T22:35:00.000-04:00

How lucky am I? My birthmonth was over 12 days ago and I got a birthday present in the mail today. One of my Gradual School friends sent me a book by Richard Rohr about Spirituality for the second half of life.

Now, I realize I am getting older, but I actually laughed when I saw the book. The second half of life, I guess that means I get to live to be 100 if I look at it with the most positive light, so I have that going for me.

On the serious side, I started reading it today and like other books by Fr. Rohr, it is very well written and talks about both halves of life, so I can still pretend to not have crossed over into the second half when I want to delude myself.

I will write a review of it when I finish reading it, which probably won't take long since mrangelmeg is off on one of his long trips and won't be around for weeks.

Pax

Surrender Means Not Wanting What you Can't Have

2011-04-11T11:45:00.000-04:00

In my ongoing attempt to understand all of the changes in my life I am constantly finding a spiritual lesson in most things. My big aha moment for this weekend was that it will be much easier to live with the changes in my diet if I learn to not want the things I can't have, like alcohol or processed foods or sugar.

I have been reading all of lent about surrender. If not eating these things will make me healthier then surrendering my will to the improvement in health I will gain from not wanting or craving those foods will make me stronger. It doesn't make it easier to do it this way, but if I look at is as a spiritual exercise, what I am gaining is even greater than what I am giving up.

So, my mindset is changing. It isn't an easy or immediate change, but each day as I make good choices and don't crave or whine because I can't have something I would have just mindlessly eaten a few weeks ago I know that God is leading me. And I can see by the numbers on the scale and the way my clothes fit that my lifestyle changes are making a difference. I think of those things as signal graces that I am on the right track.

I hope my journey can inspire others to take charge of their lifestyle and health and make good choices.

Pax

Lifestyle Changes and Obedience

2011-04-09T10:19:00.000-04:00

So the Dr. says I need to change the way I do things in order to be a healthier angelmeg. I have known this for a long time and have been working on small changes for about two years now, but only with half a heart really. Now it is get serious about it time or I will be dealing with major health issues later on.

One of the things I need to change is how I plan and eat my meals. I am one of those people who can skip breakfast and then go till maybe three o'clock before I actually sit down to eat something. Even when I make good food choices this is not a good plan. So that has to go. No more skipping breakfast or lunch. Regular meal times with good lean protein at every meal (it's a liver thing). I need to eat more vegetables too, because I do eat veggies, but not enough of the dark green ones that are really good for me.

Because of my food allergies I am already pretty limited on carbohydrates, but I do tend to indulge in potato chips, or French fries because "I'm not allergic to potatoes". Those are out of my diet now. Nothing fried for a while at least. and only really good oils in moderation.

No refined sugar either, which pretty much means no chocolate, unless it is really dark very high cacao content (because they have less sugar). For the first two weeks of this new diet, no chocolate at all. Then a little (like one small piece every four or five days) after that. Now that will be the hardest thing.

I started this new meal plan on Monday afternoon, and I'm not gonna lie, I actually feel better already. It is amazing how well your body's engine runs when you give it the right fuel.

The next hurdle is to tackle a vitamin D deficiency. This one is a little harder for me. I need to get out in the sun more often. The problem is, I can't stand the cold and it really has only gotten sunny lately. So, Now, whenever there is a sunny day I need to take my work outside if I can, or take a walk, or find some other way to be out in the sun. Maybe this year I will actually get my flower beds in shape.

As I was thinking about all of the things the Dr. is asking me to do to improve my health it occurred to me that it all comes down to obedience. God gave me this body in order to do His will here on earth. If I don't take care of this body I am not at all effective in doing God's will because I am ill or just too darn tired. Just think how much more energy and vigor I will have when I am not dealing with all of the potential health issues that are looming over my head right now.

When I put my lifestyle changes into that kind of perspective it makes the doing of them a little easier. I can look at them as a form of prayer and praise to my creator. I am growing closer to being the person that God created me to be before my own willfulness got in the way and led me astray.

So, with each new change, no matter how much I am resisting it, I praise God. Even for roasted beet salad, I will praise His holy name, because I know that if I am eating good fuel I will be stronger in His service.

Pax

Butler Basketball’s Success Has Nothing to Do with the Score of Last Night’s Game

2011-04-05T21:10:00.000-04:00

"That’s the Butler culture. The winning is nice, but a school should be about graduating kids ready to meet life’s challenges, and that doesn’t simply mean making bank. Butler does that exceptionally well."

Read the rest:

Butler Basketball’s Success Has Nothing to Do with the Score of Last Night’s Game | KentSterling.com

LOVE THIS! Go DAWGS

2011-04-03T10:14:00.000-04:00

Psalm 46:10a

2011-03-28T23:59:00.000-04:00

Be still and know that I am God.

Be still and know that I AM.

Be still and know

Be still.

Be.

Pax

The Mrs. Obvious Question of the Week: Why is Lent so Hard?

2011-03-26T11:14:00.001-04:00

I have had four friends say in the past week that this Lent has been very hard for them. I have resisted the urge to say; "Well, duh!"

If fasting, and sacrifice were easy would it bring us closer to God? If we didn't struggle with our devotion and stumble in our attempts to maintain our goals for Lent would we be as likely to see how much we need the Supreme Sacrifice that Christ makes for us on Good Friday?

In a way, the more we struggle during Lent, the happier we should be. Each time we stumble, each time another of our human failings is uncovered for us in the light of Truth we are drawn closer and closer to the source of our strength. In our weakness God makes us strong. Unless we know where our weak points are how can we ever gain the strength we need to grow stronger from them.

How blessed we are that the Church gives us this time to work through our failings. As we meditate on the way of the Cross we should think about the fact that among the fourteen moments memorialized are three times that Jesus fell, carrying His cross. If Jesus fell, and had the strength to get back up and continue to carry His cross, then we can pick ourselves up after we fall and get a stronger hold on our chosen cross and begin to move forward too. We are blessed that we know the end of the story. We know that our journey will not end on the Cross, but with the Resurrection of Easter and new life won for us by Christ.

So, Lent is hard, and that should make us happy rather than grumpy, because if it is hard then we are doing it right.

Happy Lent People,

Pax

How Much Does a Teacher Make?

2011-03-25T12:36:00.000-04:00

This teacher reminds me of all the reasons my father was such a good educator.

Stopping By Lent on a Pensive Evening

2011-03-22T19:17:00.001-04:00

(With my deepest and most sincere apologies to Robert Frost)

Whose Lent this is I think I know.
His house is in the Heaven's though;
He will not mind me stopping here
To watch this Lent begin to grow.

My little brain must think it queer
To stop without a purpose near
setting aside chores I must partake
His presence coming ever near.

I give my weary head a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of restless thoughts and deep heartache.

This Lent is calling, dark and deep.
But I am afraid of the steep,
pathway upward that I seek,
And miles to go before I sleep.

God is so Good

2011-03-21T13:10:00.000-04:00

I was sitting at the Dr.'s office this morning awaiting a visit from my Dr. and reading my daily devotional that I had chosen (see post below) for Lent. It was very interesting because the message in the post was about the problem of pain and over the weekend I got a really painful cut on the ball of my foot .

I wasn't even going to mention it to the Dr. because I was actually there for something else and the cut itself is healing nicely, although it still hurts when I walk on it too much. But then I came across a sentence in the reading about how sometimes pain is God's way of getting our attention. So I decided to simply mentioned that I had cut my foot over the weekend and the Dr. checked my chart and it turns out that I am way overdue for a tetanus booster.

If I hadn't been reading the devotional in the Dr.'s office I probably wouldn't have mentioned the cut and who knows what the consequence of my ignoring the pain might have been.

God is good, all the time.

Pax

With Open Hands

2011-03-14T08:24:00.000-04:00

To pray means to stop expecting from God the same small-mindedness which you discover in yourself. To pray is to walk in the full light of God and to say simply, without holding back, "I am human and you are God."

A human being is not someone who once in a while makes a mistake, and God is not someone who now and then forgives. No! Human beings are sinners and God is love.

Source: Henri Nouwen

Pax

When I Feel as Though I Should Be Doing Something . . .

2011-03-09T20:04:00.000-05:00

why is it that prayer never seems to be enough?

I am sitting here just having heard some very devastating news about one of my dear friends; someone as close to me as one of my brothers, who is clinging to life and may not last the night. I was told that no action is expected of me at this point, I needn't rush to his bedside in another state because he is surrounded by family. Someone else is taking the responsibility of calling our little circle of friends, so I have no one to call.

I have nothing for my hands and mind to do that will help my friend in his time of great need. I know that he is not fearing this last journey but I regret that I didn't find the time to see him one last time before the end. We were supposed to all get together next weekend for our semi-annual weekend gathering.

So, I am sitting here, with nothing to do but pray, which in truth is so much that I can do for my friend, but somehow in the darkness of this night it seems like my words are so small.

God, be with my dear friend tonight as he comes to you. Help him to let go of this mortal world and enter into his final rest. Be with his family as they deal with his loss and absence in their lives.

Amen

Pax

B 16's Ash Wednesday Holiday

2011-03-09T17:19:00.000-05:00

Dear brothers and sisters,

Today we begin the liturgical season of Lent with the impressive ritual of the imposition of ashes, through which we undertake to convert our hearts to the horizons of Grace. In general, the common opinion is this time is likely to be characterized by sadness, the greyness of life. Instead it is a precious gift of God, it is a time of strength and full of significance in the journey of the Church, it is the road to the Lord's Passover. The Biblical Readings of the day offer an indication of how to live this spiritual experience.

"Come back to me with your whole heart" (Joel 2:12). In the first reading from the book of the prophet Joel, we heard these words with which God invites the Jewish people to a sincere and not an empty repentance. This is not a superficial and transient conversion, but a spiritual journey that covers in depth the attitudes of conscience and presupposes a sincere act of repentance.

The prophet is inspired by the plight of the invasion of locusts that had befallen the people by destroying their crops, to invite an interior penance, to tear the heart and not garments (cf. 2.13). That is, to implement an attitude of genuine conversion to God - to return to Him - by recognizing His holiness, His power, His majesty. And this conversion is possible because God is rich in mercy and love. His mercy is all-renewing, which creates in us a clean heart, bringing new life to our spirit, giving us the joy of Salvation. God does not want the death of the sinner, but that he be converted and live (cf. Ez 33:11).

Thus the prophet Joel orders on behalf of the Lord, the creation of a proper penitential environment – which is like a trumpet awakening consciences. The Lenten season offers us that liturgical and penitential environment: a journey of forty days in which to experience the merciful love of God. Today we hear again the call "Come back to me with your whole heart", and today we are being called to convert our hearts to God, always conscious of not being able to complete our conversion ourselves, by our own power, because it is God who converts.

He still offers us His forgiveness, inviting us to return to Him, giving us a new heart, purified from the evil that oppresses it, for us to share in His joy. Our world needs to be converted by God, it needs His forgiveness, His love, it needs a new heart.

"Be reconciled to God" (2 Corinthians 5:20). In the second reading St. Paul gives us another element in the path of conversion. The Apostle calls us to lift our gaze from him and pay attention instead to who has sent him and the content of his message: "So we are ambassadors for Christ, as if God were appealing through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God"(ibid.). An ambassador repeats what he has heard spoken by the Lord and speaks with the authority and within the limits that he has received. Those who have held the position of ambassador does not attract attention to himself, but is at the service of the message that has been sent and He who sends him. So this how St. Paul behaves in carrying out his ministry as a preacher of the Word of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ. He does not flinch in the face of the task given him, but goes about it with complete dedication. He invites all to be open to grace, to let God convert us.

"Working together then, - he writes - we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain"(2 Cor 6:1). "Christ's call to conversion - says the Catechism of the Catholic Church - continues to resonate in the lives of Christians. [...] It is the continued commitment to the whole Church, which "includes sinners in its bosom ", and that is "at once holy and always in need of purification, to follow constantly the path of penance and renewal." This endeavour of conversion is not just a human task. It is the movement of a "contrite heart" (Ps 51.19), attracted and moved by grace to respond to the merciful love of God who loved us first "(No. 1428). St. Paul speaks to the Christians of Corinth, but through them he speaks to all people. For all have need of God's grace, to enlighten their minds and hearts.

And the Apostle insisted: "Now is the time, now is the day of salvation" (2 Corinthians 6:2). All are open to the action of God, his love. With our Christian witness, we Christians must be a living message, indeed, in many cases we are the only Gospel that people today still read.

Here is our responsibility in the footsteps of St. Paul, here's one more reason to live this Lent well: to offer a living witness of faith in a troubled world that needs to return to God, a world which needs conversion.

" Take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; " (Matt. 6:1). Jesus, in today's Gospel, reinvigorates the three major works of mercy under the law of Moses. Almsgiving, prayer and fasting are the three foundational works of piety under Jewish law. Over time, these provisions had been eroded by a rigid external formalism, or even mutated into a sign of superiority. Jesus highlights in these three works of mercy a common temptation. When you do something good, almost instinctively comes the desire to be respected and admired for the good deed, to have that satisfaction.

On the one hand this makes you close in on yourself, and at the same time, removes you from yourself, because it is completely directed towards what others think of us and admire in us. In proposing these requirements, the Lord Jesus did not require a formal compliance with a law alien to man, imposed by a severe legislature as a heavy burden, but invites us to rediscover these three works of piety, living them in a deeper way, not for our own love, but for the love of God, as a means on our the path of conversion towards Him. Alms, fasting and prayer: this is the path of divine pedagogy that accompanies us, and not only in Lent, to our encounter with the Risen Lord, a path to be followed without ostentation, in the knowledge that our Heavenly Father knows how to read and see the inner depths of our hearts.

Dear brothers and sisters, we begin our Lenten journey with trust and joy. Forty days separate us from Easter, this is a powerful time in the liturgical year, and it is a special time that is given to us to look, with greater commitment, to our conversion, to listen more attentively to the Word of God, a time for prayer and penance – of opening our hearts to the workings of Divine will, for a more generous practice of mortification, thanks to which we can be more attentive to neighbours in need: it is a spiritual journey that prepares us to relive the Paschal Mystery.

May Mary, our guide in our Lenten journey, lead us to an ever deeper knowledge of Christ dead and risen, help us in our spiritual battle against sin and support us in calling out with all our strength: “Converte nos, Deus salutaris noster” converted unto thee, O God, our Salvation. " Amen!

If you would like to hear Pope Benedict give this homily, go here.

Pax

Another Book I am Reading This Lent

2011-03-08T12:33:00.000-05:00

So I had chosen two books for Lent; enough reading for most "normal" people.

Then last night I made the mistake (or God chose the moment) to pick up a copy of Chance or Purpose? Creation, Evolution and a Rational Faith by Cristoph Cardinal Schonborn. By the first sentence I was hooked.

So I guess I am now reading three books this Lent, because there is no way I can ingest this amazing work on Fat Tuesday or leave it on my shelf till Easter Monday.

I may just post a few gems I find in it from time to time because you all deserve to be awed by this amazing work as well.

For instance (the first paragraph no less):

On the first page of the Bible we find "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." (Gen.1:1) Believing in God the creator, believing that he created heaven and earth, is the beginning of belief. That is how the Creed begins. That is the foundation on which everything else that Christians believe is based. Believing in God, and not believing that he is the Creator, would mean -- as Thomas Aquinas once said -- "not believing that God exists at all" Belief in God as Creator is the foundation for all the other things we believe: that Jesus Christ is Savior, that there is a Holy Spirit, that there is a Church, and an eternal life.

Wow; just wow. Trust me, it gets better from there.

So, I will be reading The good Austrian Cardinal along with my other two books for Lent.

God is so good.

Pax

Mother Dolores does it again . . .

2011-03-07T14:43:00.000-05:00

Just yesterday, my daughters and I watched the wonderful old movie Where the Boys Are, staring among the young cast the radiant Dolores Hart.

It gave me a chance to tell my daughters the story of how in 1963 at the height of her career in Hollywood, Miss Hart left it all behind to join a cloistered Benedictine Monastery in Connecticut. She chose a higher calling. The code of the Catholic mother is to never let a vocations lesson slip by.

Today I read another story about Mother Dolores. Again she is using her life experience to teach us all a valuable lesson; this time about finding God through pain and disability. One of my favorite quotes from the article is:

You have to become dependent on the gift of human beings, and you discover that God is an incarnate reality. In the beginning, God was always a pie-in-the-sky reality. Now I had to realize that Jesus was there through the people who were assisting me, caring for me and doing the things that were bringing me through. That metanoia had to take place in me to submit to the gift of others.”

We must learn to find God in other people. This is the gift Mother Dolores got from her illness. Maybe through her some of us won't have to be ill to receive this gift.

Pax

My Lenten Journey: What I Will be Reading Along the Way

2011-03-07T07:26:00.000-05:00

Our Parish Spiritual LIfe Committee offered each of us a chance to journey with a saint this Lent, and I chose my Patron, St Margaret Mary Alacoque (until I was 10 I thought the church had named a saint after me, then I read about her in A Child's Book of The Saints.

I had never read her autobiography though so this Lent I will be reading that to journey with her throughout these upcoming 40 days.

The other book Small Surrenders is one I have read before. It was recommended to us by Fr. Bill our Pastor who just left us for a new job at the Chancery. I thought that I might not miss him as much if I re-read this wonderful book of wisdom on how important learning to let go of the small things every day really is to the spiritual life.

So, that is what I will be reading. What are you planning for this lent?

An Eye For an Eye

2011-02-21T10:49:00.001-05:00

This is an awesome article concerning the message of yesterday's gospel.

Something most people don't know if they haven't studied the bible is that when Jesus is quoting "an eye for an eye" he is actually going back to the law of Leviticus, in which what was taken from you was exacted from the one who took it. Back in the times of Leviticus it made sense, it brought things back to level.

Jesus was radical though. He asks us endure more. He asks us to not seek revenge, but rather work toward a spirit of forgiveness.

I remember a saying of my mother's (used in the article) An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

We need to be radical, like Jesus. We need to find a different way to settle our differences at every level.

Besides, despite the resurgence in Pirate movies, no one really looks good in eye patches.

Pax

Austen-tatious

2011-02-15T13:43:00.000-05:00

So, I freely admit I have never been a very big Jane Austen fan. Somehow I always thought her heroines were overwrought and her heroes were, well Victorian. I just couldn't get into the first book I ever read, and never tried a second one.

But then, I saw Pride and Prejudice made for BBC and PBS starring Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. ~ Sigh  ~

I still didn't much like the story, but well, Colin Firth. ~ Sigh ~

But then in the past year I have seen Bride and Prejudice  a Bollywood version of the classic story, and The Jane Austen Book Club, (which had the added attractions of Marc Blucas, Hugh Dancy and Jimmy Smits ~Sigh~ ).

And then just recently the angelbaby and I discovered Lost in Austen  in which a modern British woman (albeit an Austen lover) gets transported into the novel Pride and Prejudice.

And of course my favorite way to read Jane Austen of all: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, because
If I have to read Jane Austen the addition of zombies makes the novel all that more fun to read. I may be becoming a Jane Austen fan despite myself.

Pax

He's Baaack!

2011-02-08T16:01:00.000-05:00

My childhood friend (I won't tell how old we are if he doesn't) is blogging again at:

The Daily Oldman

His comics are slightly off and very funny.

Enjoy, Oh and leave a comment if you dare. You never know, you might find yourself a character in one of his future comics.

Pax

Snopocalypse my Eye, We're Having an Icetastrophy

2011-02-01T19:54:00.000-05:00

If you are anywhere in the Midwest then you know that we are being buried. Those to the north of us are being covered with snow, but down here in South Central Indiana we are being blanketed with a really thick layer of ice.

The treas look really cool but the roads are treacherous and schools and businesses are closing all over the place. 20,000 Hoosiers are without power, luckily we here at Geene Acres still have our power.

We did lose a big limb off of the 100 plus year old Oak tree in the back yard. That is gonna take a lot of work to clean up. I just hope that we don't have too many more trees go down over the next few days.

We are all home and safe and I made sure that I got a lot of foods that could be eaten without being cooked or cooked on the camp stove, so we should be okay if the power goes out here over night. I don[t know how warm we will stay here, but we do have a fireplace downstairs and can sleep down there if we have to.

I remember an ice storm like this back when I was in high school. But back then schools were closed for nearly a month what with one storm or another. Heaven forbid I hope this one isn't quite that bad.

Tomorrow is Groundhog day. We will either be having Salad or Groundhog steak for dinner depending on if the stupid over-sized rodent sees his shadow or not. It is entirely his call.

Stay warm everyone.

Pax

Happy are they . . .

2011-01-30T14:17:00.000-05:00

Back when I was a catechist the fifth grade teacher taught a lesson on the Sermon on the Mount. She had the kids in her class draw pictures to illustrate what Jesus was trying to teach. On one of the pictures, a student wrote the heading:

The Beautitudes

There was something so perfect about the malapropism that it has stuck with me all these years later. Happy are the poor in spirit, Happy are they that mourn, Happy are the persecuted. . . how beautiful it is to follow after the will of the Lord.

As I am working on the difficult changes that God has asked of me in my life: my husband's job, the death of my mother, changes at my beloved parish, my daughter moving so far away from home, learning how to parent young adult children into healthy whole lifestyles; I continue to remember the lesson I learned all those years ago from that wonderful young girl.

Following after the Lord, wherever He leads me is all part of the Beautitudes. My life is beautiful and I am happy in my surrendering to the will of God, even when it means I will mourn, or be meek, misunderstood, or persecuted .

In my weakness I will find the strength I need, because He has promised it to me.

Have a Beautiful day.

Pax

The Lie of Choice

2011-01-25T13:11:00.000-05:00

I know women who have had abortions.

Each one of them felt at the time that there was no support from family, or the father of the child for them to do anything else.

They did not make the decision lightly.

They felt trapped.

They made the decision to abort because they had no other choice.

To a woman, each and every one regrets what they did, and mourns the life of the child they killed.

Not one of the women I know was offered any kind of post-abortion counseling from the clinic which "provided" them with the service.

A few truths to ponder.

Pax

Living In The Light

2011-01-24T12:19:00.001-05:00

Darkness hides things. Illumination brings knowledge. Knowledge is power and truth.

One of the tactics of the Pro-life movement that has been reviled by many is the use of images of both pre-born infants by way of ultrasound, and pictures of the tiny dead bodies of aborted babies.

In many states Pro-life workers have tried desperately to make the viewing of an ultrasound of the "product of conception" a part of the pre-abortion appointment. This is because we are sure that once a mother sees her child it will be less likely that she will "choose" to kill that child for any reason.

The other side fights desperately to keep this image from having to be revealed to the mother. Keeping the mother in the dark, and allowing her to continue to think of her baby as "products of conception" is a way to depersonalize the baby. That will make it easier for the mother to "choose" to take action against it without thinking about it as a person who will die by her actions.

The womb is supposed to be a safe place. Safe passage for the developing baby, not a place where the child is in danger of being ripped to pieces because he or she is an inconvenience. Many women (and some men) who experienced abortion feel crushing regret, and trauma from the experience.

If we keep showing the pictures of the pre-born, and help the parents to see their child as a child and not something less than human we can't but help to become a more compassionate society.

We need to let the light shine in (or in this case sound waves shine their light).

Pax

Teacher Watches as Second Graders Perform Oral Sex in Class

2011-01-21T13:11:00.000-05:00

I am rendered practically wordless at the profound wrong that was done to the children in this classroom. Our society is sick and if we don't do something really quickly, the epidemic will have too much of a stronghold.

What really bothers me is how the principal tried to almost downplay the harm done in her letter home. What is happening?

Teacher Watches as Second Graders Perform Oral Sex in Class

Pax

This is Indiana!

2011-01-21T11:58:00.000-05:00

This is why we are fans through thick and thin.

Pax

Dealing With Change

2011-01-16T16:10:00.000-05:00

Our parish is grieving this weekend because our beloved Pastor announced at the Masses this weekend that he will be leaving us in less than a month for a new assignment with the Archdiocese. The Archbishop has asked him to become the Moderator of the Curia which in layman's terms means he will in effect be the CEO of the Diocese.

This is a huge job and he is well qualified but when he spoke to us at Mass you could hear in his voice that it was only out of obedience to the Archbishop that he is able to leave us. He asked to come to us four years ago, and he has cherished his role as pastor and parish administrator, something he was never allowed to do before because of his duties within the Chancery. We were his first official parish assignment, and he really loved being here.

So, while we are all saddened to lose our pastor, maybe we should take a page from his book. Obedience is part of what we believe about being members of this church. If Fr. Bill can do this out of obedience to the Bishop, then we can accept the new interim pastor who will serve from February till July and welcome a new pastor in July, just as humbly as Fr. Bill is accepting this move to the Chancery that he must make in the next four weeks.

I know for my part, my prayers go with him. And I will remember every lesson I learned from him while he was our pastor. How arrogant would it be not to be willing to share his amazing gifts with the greater church of south central Indiana?

For the next month I am really going to cherish his homilies, and his hugs.

Pax

More on Our New Auxiliary Bishop

2011-01-16T08:39:00.004-05:00

Here is a video from Fox 59 news on the Press Conference announcing Fr. Coyne as the New Auxiliary Bishop:

http://www.fox59.com/news/wxin-pope-benedict-xvi-appoints-ind-01142011,0,6670957.story

"It is what it is" I really like him now.

Pax

Interesting News

2011-01-14T12:50:00.000-05:00

It was announced today that Fr. Christopher Coyne of the Archdiocese of Boston has been appointed Auxiliary Bishop of the Archdiocese of Indianapolis. Rocco at Whispers in the Loggia has the news. Rocco has done a much better job than I ever could of explaining the ins and outs of the possible reasons why the diocese received an Auxiliary Bishop when in fact our Archbishop asked for a coadjutor.

If you want to know a little about Fr. Coyne, happily he is a blogger. You can read his blog here.
I have been reading through it since I heard the news and like what I have read. I also like that Fr. Coyne is a Liturgist. (Bless my loving liturgical heart.)

I do know that Archbishop Buechlein has had a very rough couple of years health-wise, and has been in our prayers as he struggles with his cancer diagnosis and treatment. His asking for a coadjutor is proof of his concern and care for the diocese.

Welcome to Indiana, Fr Coyne. Here's hoping we can turn you into a Colts fan really quickly, because I don't know what I will do if I have to follow a Bishop who is a Stinkin' Cheatriots fan.

Pax

Ghosts of Christmases Past

2010-12-25T08:59:00.001-05:00

We went to Midnight Mass, and in a real departure for our family we even opened our presents before Mass so that we (meaning mrangelmeg specifically) could all sleep in this morning. Well then, what am I doing up at quarter past why the heck am I awake? Maybe it is the fact that unlike the last four or five years, we actually have snow this Christmas (boy have we had snow). Maybe it is because this is the first Christmas since our oldest daughter moved so far away and she couldn't get back this year. Maybe because this is the first Christmas since my mom died and I am really missing her. But I am sitting here on Christmas morning and remembering absent family members and Christmases past.

We opened presents on Christmas Eve most years when I was little, because we went to Midnight Mass and we could all (meaning my dad specifically) sleep in on Christmas morning). We always got crisp new jammies on Christmas, they were never wrapped, but would magically appear on our beds somehow while we were eating dinner on Christmas Eve. The Jammies were supposed to help us sleep better on that magical night.

On the occasions that we didn't open gifts on Christmas Eve, we would still have gone to Midnight Mass, so our parents had a rule about when we were allowed to wake them to open presents in the morning. We had to wait patiently, or as patiently as nine anxious children could, until the streetlight out in front of our house went out. it was then and only then that we were allowed to knock on their door and tell them the exciting news that we had already discovered; Santa had been to our house.

I remember waiting anxiously, sitting on the radiator by the front window in the living room willing with all my might that the light would go out. We carried this forward for our children by telling them that they weren't allowed to wake mrangelmeg on Christmas morning until the security light in our driveway went out.

On the sleep in mornings we were allowed to wake up any time we liked, but we were not allowed to wake or disturb our parents on Christmas morning. We had to play with our newly received loot as quietly as possible. This was always much easier for me, who usually got books than my brothers who got GI Joes or Rock-em Sock-em Robots or Slot Hockey games. Inevitably, they would get really noisy.

The lasting memory I have of those Christmases though isn't the gifts, but having the family all together. One year, we went into Midnight Mass with just a few flakes wafting through the air, and came out an hour and a half later to a total blanket of white, that by morning was one of the worst blizzards the area had ever seen. The snow was so deep that hardly anyone drove on the streets for days. We lived about seven weeks from Church and the entire family, all eleven of us walked through the two feet of snow to Mass the following Sunday.

Christmas was a time to be together. Another of our spectacular Christmases was the year my oldest brother came back from his Naval posting to Okinawa to spend Christmas with us. We were so happy to see him, and he decided to "share the wealth" with his military pay that year. The very large living room seemed to be buried in gifts. But we were so happy to have Mike back that our bountiful harvest didn't seem to matter.

Our greatest gift on Christmas was family, which isn't a surprise at all to me since the real gift of Christmas was the Christ child. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son. The greatest gift of all was a gift of Divine Family. It's not the Christmas presents that we love so much, it is the Christmas Presence.

I think I will call some of my siblings today.

Pax

Christmas Baking

2010-12-22T23:25:00.000-05:00

So I spent the day baking. For those of you who know me, you know that I really hate to cook, so this was not helping me get into the Christmas Spirit. In fact, I think my Facebook Status today might have said Fa la la la la de freakin' da.

In honor of everyone doing so much baking I wanted to share a post from my beloved husband mrangelmeg; This goes back to 2005. Enjoy:

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This all began with an inocent enough request from a friend of mine for a recipe for Persimmon Cookies from my husband's mother. The following is what she got in three email exchanges. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

Mrangelmeg is a genius, and very funny, and I love him dearly.

Part I: Here is my Mom's recipe for Persimmon Cookies:

1 cup persimmon pulp 1 teaspoon baking soda (not powder)

1 cup sugar (it used to be 2 cups, but since you're so sweet, 1 cup is enough)

1/2 cup margarine or butter (Mom just uses stick margarine)

1 egg 2 cups sifted all-purpose flour

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon cloves (I asked Mom to pick one and she said she uses somewhere in between. I guess that means 3/8 of a teaspoon)

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 1 cup chopped walnuts (Mom had an option to substitute raisins for the walnuts. She has never put raisins in persimmon cookies, but if you want to go ahead and ruin a perfectly good batch of cookies, feel free to use raisins)

Instructions: Beat persimmon pulp thoroughly. Mix in soda. In separate bowl, cream sugar and butter/margarine, then add egg and mix thoroughly. Sift together dry ingredients and mix into creamed mixture. Combine all ingredients and drop by teaspoon onto a greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 12-15 minutes.

Mom reminded me that this was for one batch and she always makes a double. She further reminded her engineer son - no fewer than three times - that in order to make a double batch, you need to double the above ingredients. Since you have the PhD, I'm only telling you once.

You can freeze persimmon cookies to enjoy later ... say when we might be back at St. Meinrad again. If you freeze them, or leave them out for a few days, they will turn from reddish-brown to almost black. They still taste as good.

Part II: Raisins and Persimmons

And, for the record, I like raisins, too ... but only in oatmeal-raisin cookies (2nd favorite), raisin bran, and raisinettes ... as God intended them to be. Raisins do not belong in persimmon cookies. I even have scriptural backing on this from the Book of Raisins found in Codex XIII from the recently discovered Nag Yerhubbi Library (the Nag Yerhubbi Library also includes "The Gospel of Trash" and "The Apochryphon of the Leaves").

A fragment of the surviving Book of Raisins text was originally interpreted as: "... thou shalt not combine the dried fruit of the vine with other fruits ... ... verily I say: excessive combining of fruits will bring about the people of the village." Of course, now we know the end of that sentence should have been translated as "The Village People."

Regardless of translation, raisins are not to be combined with persimmons. Speaking of discovering ancient religious texts, another little-known fact is that Rastafarians actually discovered the Dead Sea Scrolls and were told by the Jewish scholars of the day that God's Word could be found inside the scrolls, also known as the rolling papyrus, or more to the point ... rolling papers. And that is how they got their start.

I just heard that on Paul Harvey's "The Rest of the Story" on the way into work this morning, so it must be true. Feel free to cite any of the above research in your coursework; and have a nice day!

Part III: Further Research

The Nag Yerhubbi writings as the Neuter-o-Canonical apocrypha (apocrypha meaning "hidden away" or secret -- so don't be surprised if even your professor hasn't heard of them). They're also sometimes referred to as the Canon-and-on-and-on-ical Scriptures.

As hidden as they may be, I'm sure that John has heard many of the Nag Yerhubbi volumes proclaimed in his household ... perhaps "The Exegesis on the Toilet Seat" being one of the most cited books. Certainly, John is familiar with the longest book, "Litany of the Honeydew," the first Chapter of which begins: "Now that you're retired, maybe you could help out some around here."

On a historical note, the scribes that copied the sacred texts would meet about once a month and painstakingly copy each letter. Some would write so hard, they would even get cramps. Of course, the Nag Yerhubbi texts were not written on scrolls, but on individual sheets of paper and bound into large books, called Codexes, as at Nag Hammadi. The blank sheets were manufactured in pad form, similar to paper pads we have today, but the Nag Yerhubbi paper was much, much larger than the pages found at Nag Hammadi. Thus, the Nag Yerhubbi scribes called their paper source the Codex Maxipad. I know a few more historical details along these lines, but enjoy sleeping indoors far too much to list them here.

Finally, the Nag Yerhubbi documents will not be hidden much longer, as the Lifetime Network plans to feature them as part of a miniseries about all Old Testament and early Christian scriptures. The first episode is being shot right now and the working title is "The Burning Bush" featuring Farrah Fawcett as a young Moses (a stretch, but this is the Lifetime Network after all). The final release title is expected to be "Torah! Torah! Torah!" which ends with Pat Morita starring in the role of Joshua as he plans the sneak attack on Jericho. The scripts for the Nag Yerhubbi segments have yet to be written, but I'm sure the Lifetime Network will portray the men as kind, caring, and sensitive (that has to be the least believable line of this entire thread).

I think that's all I can safely say about the sacred texts in the Nag Yerhubbi Library; I'm already at risk of a discovery any day now at Nag Damaggi.

Pax

Tommy Blaze gives us the Reason . . .

2010-12-03T14:09:00.000-05:00

Becoming a Responsible Adult

2010-11-26T10:37:00.000-05:00

Our beautiful Autistic daughter is the only member of our family who didn't get today off from her new job. On top of that, her County Transit bus line didn't run today so she had to have alternate transportation. Anyone who knows anything about autism will understand how a simple change like that to her regular schedule could have been reason for a huge blow up, but she was very calm.

Dad got up and took her to work and we will pick her up when her shift is through. As a treat we are heading to the Mall this afternoon for a little shopping. She has earned the use of some of her hard earned wages.

Yesterday she did the dishes with only a little help from dad. She did a wonderful job too, everything was loaded carefully into the dishwasher (sometimes she can be a little reckless with her dish placement.)

She has been taking her medication for allergies like clockwork ever since the Dr. told her that her eczema would not get better unless she took the medication every day. She uses the special cream correctly as well.

Each day I see great strides in her maturity level. Now, if only I could get her to clean her bedroom.

I know, but a mom has to have one impossible dream.

Pax

Being Thankful

2010-11-24T13:35:00.000-05:00

I thought I would write this post today since I won't have much time tomorrow because I will be busy preparing a meal.

my faithful readers (all two of you) may probably remember that while I love to eat I really don't like to cook, especially big elaborate holiday meals. Normally Mrangelmeg and I compromise by finding a really nice Thanksgiving buffet somewhere and take the whole clan out to dinner on the holiday. I love this because I don't have to cook or clean up and everyone gets exactly what they want to eat. The only negative is that there are no leftovers to munch on for the rest of the weekend.

This is such a pattern in our lives that when our oldest daughter was in elementary school and her class was discussing their favorite thing their mom's made for Thanksgiving dinner she actually said "I don't know, Reservations?" with a shrug.

Anyway, what with all of the turmoil in our lives recently I thought the least I could do for the members of my immediate family would be to suck-it-up and cook a meal for them here at home. That way Mrangelmeg's mom can be with us and the kids can have tons of leftovers to munch on the rest of the weekend.

Little did I know when I decided to do this though that 1) I wouldn't be able to find a fresh turkey and 2) I would be spending the night before Thanksgiving at the sleep lab getting my new CPAP machine titrated to help with a newly diagnosed sleep apnea problem.

But everything will work out. I am sure that the frozen turkey I bought will be thawed in time and with the help of the girls I will be able to get everything cooked in time for a wonderful meal tomorrow afternoon.

I am thankful for so many things this year. I am thankful that most of my family is together for this holiday (only one daughter isn't living here so the rest of us will be together. I am thankful that Mrangelmeg's mom is healthy enough to come over and be with us, I would have loved to have my mom with us for a holiday anytime in the last eight or nine years. I am thankful that I have a nice new stove to cook in, the old one was a bit notional. I am thankful that we have plenty of food to eat and a nice warm home to live in. (Especially on a rainy day like today).

So, while I think I may be crazy for deciding to cook here at home everything will work out the way it is supposed to work out. I have faith that my family will step up and take up the slack to make sure that things get done when they need to get done and that I will get enough sleep during the night to be rested enough to cook tomorrow.

Hey, stop laughing, it could happen.

Pax

De Profundis

2010-11-17T10:46:00.001-05:00

For those of you who don't read Latin, the title of this post is the first two lines of a psalm that is read during the Office of the dead: Psalm 130:

Out of the depths I cry to you, LORD;
Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

(v 1-2)

It is one of my "go to" psalms when I am in the Dark Night, feeling cut off from God and wondering if the Infinite Threeness is even taking notice of little old me. It has become even more meaningful now in my present darkness. With the death of my mother not only am I cut off from God, but I am untethered from a connection to that grounding sense that I belong to someone here on earth. Today I feel utterly orphaned, and it makes me profoundly sad in a de profundis way.

I used to wonder if it was something I had done that sent God away from me. Had I been so obstinate and selfish that God had just given up on me and turned away from me as a lost cause. Was I just too proud of my own will to be worth anything to God?

If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

(v 3-4)

I realize that I have a connection to other people, like my husband and my children, and that they need me and I need them, but, as Fr. Bill put it this morning when he talked with me a bit after Mass, You just don't belong to anyone the way you belong to your parents.

I am beginning to wonder though if my sense of longing isn't more profound because I entered the dark night long before my mother died. I was already trying to find a way to pray that brought me consolation. I had been. for over a year in a spiritual land where the scenery was unfamiliar. God was trying to communicate with me, but I was struggling to decipher the new language that was now flowing in my direction.

I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
   and in his word I put my hope.
I wait for the Lord
   more than watchmen wait for the morning,
   more than watchmen wait for the morning.

(v 5-6)

And then mom died, who hadn't said anything meaningful to me since 2007 really, because of the prison in which she had been trapped by her disease. But I loved her and I know that in her way she loved me. I could go and sit with her, ore even just know that she was there and it made me feel connected.

Not so now, that connection has been severed. I hear a song on the radio, or see a movie on television that she used to love, or something happens in my life and I would love to tell her about it, but then I remember that she isn't there. The only analogy that comes close is what it feels like when you lose a tooth, there is a physical space that you can feel where the tooth used to be. I can feel that space in my life where my mother used to be. It is gaping and empty -- de profundis .

The one thing I know, in all of this is that I may be orphaned, but I am not alone. All those other people in my life; my family and Fr. Bill and my parish family, and my friends are there because God doesn't want me to have to go through this alone. So while I may not understand God's language in prayer, I do feel God's presence in others. Everyone who brightens my day, or brings me comfort, is sent from God. And while they can't take the place of my mom, they can help me past the bad spots. God will do the rest, all I have to do is have faith and hope.

(Israel), put your hope in the LORD,

for with the LORD is unfailing love

and with him is full redemption.

He himself will redeem Israel

from all their sins.

(v7-8)

PAX

What am I Reading

2010-11-13T12:17:00.000-05:00

So I am still working my way through this wonderful book by my professor. I am finding that to do it justice I have to read a bit more slowly than I normally devour books.

It is well worth the effort though as I am learning things about myself and why and how I react to the world around me based upon my emotions.

Next in my pile of books is one that was on my wish list, and I am happy to say I came into possession of recently and can't wait to start reading.

This one should be equally as helpful in the whole emotional wellness, area, and I am hoping that I will gain as much from this as I am from Ryan's book.

This was one area of our training in Spiritual Direction that I felt we needed much more than three hours to cover, so all the extra reading I can do to assist me in learning how to help others will make me better at my work with them as they tap into their own emotional responses to the world around them and by default, God's movement in the world.

I will give you an update as I continue to read.

What are you reading? Leave me a comment and let me know.

Pax

It Starts

2010-10-31T20:05:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is the first day of National Novel Writer's Month. This is the first year since I found out about this fun idea that I actually have the time and the inclination to participate. I have my outline for the novel I have been trying to write since the middle of Gradual School and I am going to start tomorrow and get it written.

You can follow my progress on the widget on my sidebar, which shows my word-count for each day of the challenge. I am going to try to write each and every day and really get this thing going.

Hopefully someday you will be reading my novel on your Kindle, or in a real book form.

Hey, It could happen.

Pax

Feast of Teresa of Avila

2010-10-15T08:42:00.000-04:00

Today is the Feast day of Teresa of Avila. This is a famous statue of Teresa called Teresa in Ecstasy.

If you have a real interest in the spiritual life and have never read Interior Castle I would encourage you to give it a try.

I will also add the caveat that Teresa didn't really want to write this wonderful book, and it shows in the end product. It is the most wonderfully meandering narrative. If you can stay with her though you are rewarded with a journey through the interior life to full communion with God.

Teresa was a Saint, and a Dr. of the Church, but she was also wonderfully human. She was a very adamant proponent of praying exactly where one is to God, with boldness and candor. One of my favorite of her prayers is: "If this is the way You treat your friends, it is no wonder You have so few of them."

Pax

Happy Birthday P. G Wodehouse

2010-10-15T08:31:00.000-04:00

In honor of P. G. Wodehouse's Birthday I am reposting this wonderful spot on the interweb.

Random Wodehouse Generator

Knock yourself out, wandering thorough some wonderfully witty Wodehouse tidbits.

Pax

De Profundis

2010-10-14T14:49:00.000-04:00

This article about the rescue of the Chilean Miners is absolutely amazing, but then so is our God.

Out of the Depths

How powerful prayer can be, and what a testament to the power of everyone working together not just on the technical side but on the spiritual side as well.

Pax

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2010-10-13T13:12:00.000-04:00

During this month where everyone is trying to bring to the forefront the importance of self examination, and early detection in the fight against breast cancer, I feel it is also important to make people aware of all the risk factors.

There is one that even the American Cancer Society itself has tried to deny repeatedly; the link between abortion and breast caner. In fact one of my high school classmates had a very heated exchange on my Facebook page the other day because I tried to post some information about this link. I believe that there is such a link because of all of the things I have read over the years, and not just because I am against abortion for moral reasons.

In 2009 the American Cancer Society finally began to soften its position, and under the weight of incontrovertible and verifiable proof, does now say that there is a link between abortion and increased risk of breast cancer. Read the article here.

I believe that women must understand and be aware of all risk factors in order to make informed decisions about their health choices.

Pax

pious pap

2010-10-01T21:39:00.002-04:00

My friend Owen has done an amazing post today for the feast of St. Therese. When you read the Flannery O'Connor remember to use your best southern accent because then it sounds so amazing! Click on this link to read the rest of his post.

Keep up the good work Owen.

If you aren't following Owen's blog you should be.

Pax

Grief Support Just When I Need It

2010-10-01T09:41:00.000-04:00

So, I though I was doing pretty well. I was finding the time to get things done, and don't feel as though I am living underwater most of the time anymore (swimmers might understand that reference but it is the best metaphor for how I felt the first two or three weeks after mom died -- as though I were totally submerged in water and the rest of the world was somewhere on dry land. I could see it and hear it but only in a diffuse, muffled way.)

I am still taking naps every day, but to be honest I enjoy my nap time and they aren't interfering with my other commitments so I think I will continue them.

I was at a really low point one day. It suddenly hit me that I am an orphan now, because both of my parents are dead. Why at fifty years old that should even be a thought that would cause me any concern seemed to make my sorrow even more deep. As I was sitting in my grief that day, I received a letter from a beautiful woman in her early 70's who was part of my Spiritual Direction Internship Cohort Group. In the letter she reminded me that we had decided that she was my adopted mother, and while she could never take mom's place, she would gladly step in and send me the love, and motherly concern that she knew I was missing. How carefully God orders our steps. Her letter came that day because she had been traveling when mom died and had only that week had the time to sit down and write.

Just this week, I have been reading a book called Availability by Robert Wicks. I got to church a little early on Wednesday morning so I was reading in Church. As I read a section on allowing one's self to be open to God's love, it occurred to me that I had been experiencing a really dry spell during my prayer time --a long stretch of withdrawn consolation in prayer. It hadn't stopped me from spending my time in contemplation, I just come away feeling empty rather than refreshed or restored. As that realization swept over me I could feel my eyes filling up with tears. Then, Mass began and it was announced that it was the Feast of the Archangels (Michael, Raphael and Gabriel). This day happens to be my father's feast day. The tears really began to flow.

Fr. Bill, our pastor must have noticed, because when I ran into him going into the parish office the next day he made a point of asking me if I was okay. He has a way of drawing the truth out of me, (I wonder if that is so for everyone he talks with) so instead of saying "things are just fine" I actually told him that I was still struggling a bit. He gave me a few really great pearls of wisdom about grieving. The most important for me at least being that walking through grief is like entering a valley. You walk along the valley floor for a long time before you begin to climb back out of the valley on the other side.

Another piece of wisdom came on an unrelated subject from friends in my supervision group . When I am done crying, I will move on. The crying has a purpose. I have known the grace of tears, but somehow was hard pressed to offer that grace to myself in this situation.

So, the valley may be long, and deep, and filled with suddenly flowing tears, but I know that with friends like these surrounding me I will make it to the other side and my joy will return.

Pax

My Thoughts on Recent Events in My Life

2010-09-15T16:57:00.001-04:00

I haven't written a blog post in a month. In that month a lot has happened. On August 23rd, my mother slipped from her earthly prison and went to be with dad forever. I am still trying to fathom all of the subtleties of what it means that I have become an orphan. It helps to think that mom and dad are together again, both here and in heaven: their earthly remains are united forever in a shared grave with one headstone -- mom's info will be Carved on the back with the phrase: Loving parents together forever.

We also began the tedious job of repainting the inside of our house,something we hadn't done since we moved here in 1997. I know my limitations, so we have someone else doing the actual painting. I just get to choose the colors. Mranglmeg is a bit scared though, because all those white walls are disappearing under a much more vibrant color palate. In the cans he just shakes his head, but once the color goes up on the wall he begins to see my vision or at least is resigned to let me choose because it just doesn't matter to him.

My new career as a spiritual director is beginning to gain ground. I have been seeing new prospective directees and growing my "client base" by leaps in the past month. With each new contact I am humbled at the special place my work takes me in people's lives. I hope that I can always remember that it is the Holy Spirit that is the true director, and I am in the sacred position of being the eyes and ears and voice to help those who come to me see how The Spirit is moving in their lives.

I haven't had much time for writing, considering the month I have had, but I do have ideas for two new projects I want to start as soon as I get some other things off of my "clipboard of fun. One is directly related to losing my mother, and a statement that a dear friend from my Spiritual Direction Internship made that five of us from this class had all lost our mothers this calendar year.

I also haven't had much time to knit, and I have a few projects backed up. I think I need to set aside some time to knit each day because knitting keeps me grounded and helps me clear my mind. It is such a spiritual practice for me. Going without it is like going without my evening prayers.

I am taking a much needed trip to St. Meinrad weekend after next for a short mini-retreat. I just want to get away and lose myself on "The Holy Hill" and find my center again. Maybe I will even get to run into a few friends as well.

Hopefully, now that things are a bit back to normal I will be able to blog on a slightly more regular basis.

Pax

For What Its Worth: Thoughts on Bucket Lists

2010-08-18T21:12:00.000-04:00

A colleague of my devoted husband's is living with a debilitating bout of cancer and struggling to maintain as normal a life as possible as he works his way through the treatment process. Just this week in his weekly email update to his co-workers he mentioned that someone told him that if he had anything on his bucket list he should consider not putting them off. I have been thinking about that statement all day

It made me think about my parents as an example. They used to talk about how for one of their anniversaries they would go to France because that is where my mom's parents had come from. They used to dream about how great that trip would be. But then my dad got really sick with a brain tumor. My mom went on that trip to France for her 30th anniversary, but she went without my father who had died years before she finally went.

It has really begun to bother me. I don't want to think that the only reason that my husband and I are getting to do the amazing things we have always talked about doing, or are getting that fun toy we have always wanted to own is because one of us is dealing with or has just survived a life threatening illness.

I don't want to call it my bucket list anymore. I want to pick something really amazing that my husband and I have always wanted to do, or that and we have wanted to have; or pick a place we have wanted to travel and fit them into our schedule and our budget now instead of waiting until it is too late or until we have some fear that drives us to do them. Won't we enjoy them more this way?

For starters, I want my husband to plan an amazing golf vacation with his dad while they still both enjoy playing golf.

Pax

Dog Days of Summer Meme

2010-08-12T16:35:00.000-04:00

Ironic Catholic tagged me (sorry it took so long to catch up)

I am supposed to list my favorite devotions: in no specific order:

Eucharistic Adoration

Lectio Devina

Centering Prayer

Mass

Intercessory Prayer

I tag

Suzanne's Shorelines
Taking it One Step at a Time
The Long Journey Into the Light

Pax

RIP Patricia Neal: A Woman of Courage and Strength

2010-08-09T18:58:00.000-04:00

Patricia Neal died yesterday of lung cancer. She was an award winning actress, and a mother who suffered through the loss of one child and the disability of another child. She had a series of strokes from which she had an almost miraculous recovery after long rehabilitation. She had a well publicized affair with Gary Cooper very early in her career and became pregnant. They decided to abort the baby because Mr. Cooper was married and they wanted to avoid the scandal involved if she had carried the baby to term.

Years later, it was Gary Cooper's daughter Maria, who through her friendship with Ms. Neal brought her back to the practice of her faith, and a sense of peace about the trouble in her life.

When asked once by a priest, if there was anything she could go back and redo, this was her response:

"Father, alone in the night for over 40 years, I have cried for my child. And if there is one thing I wish I had the courage to do over in my life, I wish I had the courage to have that baby."

She went on in her later life to become a very vocal pro-life advocate, talking to young women from her own experience as someone who had been in their shoes and asking them to think carefully about the life of their child and the impact that their decision would have on the rest of their lives.

Read the complete article here.

She was a great actress, but her voice as an advocate for the unborn is what will be missed the most.

Pax

Did You See What I Saw?

2010-08-07T11:27:00.000-04:00

We watched the movie: "The Invention of Lying" the other night. It was ultimately intended as a comedy but I think it was also intended as an attack at organized religion and any belief in God at all. Spoiler alert: if you haven't yet seen the movie there are a few plot points revealed in the next few paragraphs.

The people live in a world where not only do they always speak the truth, but they also must be brutally honest and have no filtering mechanism whatsoever. In other words they say exactly what is on their minds in a very unvarnished way. Then one man inadvertently discoverers that he can lie and because no one else does people believe what he says. He begins to lie to make the world better for himself, creating a world the way he wants it to be.

When he visits his mother in the hospital and her Dr. has informed her that she will most likely die that day and it will be all over. The son panics and tells his mom whatever he can think of about an afterlife that he thinks will make her happy as she dies, and the Dr and Nurses hear him. When word gets out that he knows what happens after you die he has to explain how he knows so he makes up a reason for how he came to know this information and what it all means. No matter how simple the message he was trying to impart, people kept twisting it or hearing what they wanted to hear or just jumbling it into a huge mess, so he kept having to add more and more detail

It was really interesting to me as a commentary on the difficult task of the theologian. Theologians have the task of creating apprehension of the ineffable. They try to keep their explanations simple, but just like the man in the movie, no matter how simply they try, people hear what they want to hear, or get the message muddled. The theologian thinks his message is very clear yet the hearers can't or won't hear it as clearly as he presents it.

Or maybe I was just projecting my own frustrations at trying to write simple essays on theology into this little film.

Why don't you see the movie and tell me what you think.

Pax

Praise The Lord for Answered Prayers

2010-07-29T11:55:00.000-04:00

My Beautiful Autistic Daughter has been trying with all of her might to find a job for the three years since she graduated from high school. She only wanted a part time job, nothing fancy or career oriented, just something that would give her a little pocket money and a sense of accomplishment as she attempted to work through some courses at the local Community College.

She has had so many disappointments in the past two three years, I can't tell you. One store here in town wouldn't consider her for a stock person job because she might have to talk to shoppers and they were afraid she wouldn't be able to do that. In all the times I have shopped there I have never had a stock person talk to me, (and when she worked for a short time at the IU bookstore as stock help she was wonderful about helping students find the books they needed, so what joke that the other place wouldn't give her a chance). Most of the other places took one look at the way she paces and doesn't make eye contact and wouldn't even give her an interview beyond allowing her to fill out an application.

Yesterday she was offered a job with the IU Libraries, which is the perfect position for her. She can work on her own, she has volunteered in a library setting for years and doesn't need much training, and she did a trial run there in January for a month to prove to them that she could hold her own.

Thanks to laws like the Americans with Disabilities Act, people like my daughter can find meaningful employment. All they want is a chance to prove that they can do the job just as well as anyone else.

It isn't lost on me that her job offer came on the anniversary of this groundbreaking legislation.

Thank you to all of my friends who have been praying for this for so long. We knew it would happen if we waited long enough, but it didn't keep us from getting discouraged as the months kept going by without any sign of movement in her direction.

This just proves that God is faithful, and God's time is perfect.

Pax

Liturgy Transcends

2010-07-16T14:51:00.001-04:00

I had a moment today at daily mass. Somewhere between the Gospel reading and receiving communion I became overwhelmed with emotion.

At one point I was caught up in an anamnetic euphoria at the thought of how infinite the cloud of witness was that were surrounding me. Perhaps because Father had chosen the wonderfully name dropping Eucharistic Prayer 1 I my mind's eye began to see the altar space fill up with all those who had gone before at the table of the Lord; among them the personal witness of my grandparents, and my father and the children that were lost to me through miscarriages who have joined the Church Triumphant. I felt so totally wrapped in love as the words of the prayer wove through this reverie.

As we drew close to reception of Communion, I had a quantum leap in my understanding of how we all become the Body of Christ through the reception of The Body of Christ in the Eucharist which unites us in a way that is so much more cosmic that it transcended and transported me into that Cloud of Unknowing. As I walked back from receiving I was uncontrollably racked with sobs of joy, tears streaming down my face.

When the Mass had ended, I left my parish community feeling such love that I had to stop and thank Father. Not knowing exactly what to thank him for I decided that thanking him for his homily (on not being judgemental) would be great. It was a great homily, but it would be silly to thank him for a transcendent experience. He was so humble he couldn't even accept thanks for the homilette, as he called it, because he was simply trying to work on his own stuff.

I am so glad that I had this experience, but I'm not gonna lie, I'm hoping that it doesn't become a regular occurrence. I don't think I could handle crying at every Mass. Oh well, maybe I should start carrying tissue just in case.

Pax

Prophetic Letter

2010-07-15T08:59:00.001-04:00

This letter was written by a parish priest in November of 2008. Those who voted for social justice over life are beginning to reap what they sowed. He is pretty spot on in his predictions of how things would unfold.

Pastor’s Corner 11-9-08

Brothers and Sisters,

For most people this week, the presidential election was first and foremost in mind. As the pastor of the souls of this parish, for whom I will have to give an account to the good God, it is important to put before you a few observations. Voting in a democracy is very serious business. It is a sacred duty and the exercise of power that can have far reaching consequences for our lives and the lives of others.

A majority of Americans, including those who identify themselves as Catholic (54% if the exit polls are correct), chose to elect our new President. The election of this candidate to the presidency will have far reaching consequences. Our Lord Jesus tells us to judge a tree by its fruit. A good tree produces good fruit, a bad tree bad fruit. I would urge us a rational persons to look beyond the smile and mesmerizing words and pay attention to the deeds – these will show what kind of president we will have.

In my view as a priest, scholar and professor, never before has the Culture of Death been given so much power in this country. Our new president is committed to promoting and protecting with law intrinsically evil acts, acts that are never justified and should never be done by a rational person. The fruit of this conviction is that he is committed to creating and ratifying unjust laws. The clearest deed that will reveal this truth is when he signs the ‘Freedom of Choice Act’ into law, which was one of his campaign promises. This legislation will virtually abolish ANY restrictions on abortion that exist now. This legislation will result in the killing of tens of thousands of innocent children. The killing of the innocent is a sin that cries out to Heaven for justice (Gen. 4:10). Those who voted for this president will now share in the indirect responsibility and guilt for these killings. Such is the serious nature of voting.

But I Voted For Social Justice Issues

Those who voted for him may respond that their vote was not based on his pro-abortion stance but other social issues. The response I gave in a previous homily is that clearly and logically this election did not involve a situation of ‘proportionate reason’ mentioned in the USCCB’s Faithful Citizenship. The issues of quality of life come into play only when candidates vying for office are equal on the issues dealing with life itself.

My Predictions

The ‘Freedom of Choice Act’, and other unjust legislation like it that will likely be proposed, also has the potential to force the Church out of health care. The Church, as the bearer of the Gospel of Life, will refuse to take part in committing intrinsically evil acts. The names like Providence, St. Vincent, Sacred Heart may remain on the outside of the hospitals, but their internal policies may no longer meaningfully reflect the teachings of Christ and His Church. Thus the legislation would spell disaster for the poor and will create a huge societal problem since the Church is one of the major providers of health care in the country, especially to the poor. Moreover, if the Church is not providing health care, then those with terminal illness and those who do not seem to have a sufficient ‘quality of life’ will lose their last protection from those who will want to kill them to save health care dollars – still more innocent lives lost.

Some may be reading this thinking that I’m being overly dramatic, that I’m over reacting. I would ask you to pay attention to the fruit; pay attention to actions and deeds and not the smile or soothing words. Beneath the smile and words is one who has already identified himself through his actions that he is against Christ and His Church on fundamental, non-negotiable issues.

The Coming Tribulation

For those followers of Christ who are serious about following Him understand that we may be entering a very difficult and trying period of history. The Church has had such times in the past and will again have them in the future. In the late 1990s, then Cardinal Ratzinger commented that he thought the Church was entering a period of trial, a time when the Church was to be more of a persecuted Church, a time when it would be most costly to follow Jesus, and thus a time when many of those who identify themselves as Catholic will fall away. Now he is Pope Benedict XVI, the successor of St. Peter and our chief Shepherd. It will become increasingly evident as the years pass whether he is a prophet. Personally, I believe him to be right. In my prayer over the past few years, I have sensed the same thing. It may take many years for it to come into full view, but with this ascendency of the Culture of Death we may see the beginnings of it in the next few years.

Be Prepared! Seek Mercy!

And so as the pastor of your souls and as your spiritual father, I urge you to prepare yourselves spiritually, through prayer, fasting, virtuous living and most of all faith, hope and love, for what is to come. Let us recommit ourselves in joy to protect and cherish the weak and vulnerable among us. If you are one who cast your vote for our new president, I urge you to seek the mercy of Jesus through the Sacrament of Confession that you may be absolved from the great evil this president says he will do. Jesus Christ has already definitively broken the power of evil and death. He will never abandon us or the world. He may be asking the members of His Body to have a deeper share with Him in the Cross, that the world might be saved.

Be A Saint!

We do not have to be afraid. We did not choose to live in these times, but He chose us to live in these times (In. 15:16) – that is a comforting truth. It is in times of trial that the members of Christ shine more brightly. St. Paul tells us as he told the Philippians, ‘Do everything without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like lights in the world” (Phil. 2:14). Now is the time for saints! We stand with Our Lord Jesus and His angels and saints and will bring down the Culture of Death through the might of the divine love because with St. Paul we can say, “I can do all things in him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13).

Sincerely in Christ,

Fr. John Cihak
http://www.courageouspriest.com/warning-did-you-vote-for-obama

Just in the past week we have seen tax funds funnelled to Pennsylvania to fund abortions under the Obamacare Health Program. (something we were promised by the President was off the table). We are seeing the beginnings of dismantling of the Catholic Health Care system due to the forcing of the abortion agenda on Catholic hospitals (either they will provide abortions or they will have to close) . Fr. Cihak's predictions are coming true.

Fast and pray.

Pax

Our Lady of the Desert

2010-06-20T19:53:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite things about traveling is getting to worship with new communities. I love being part of a universal church where I am welcome wherever I go, and I can see how other people celebrate Liturgy.

We had the distinct pleasure today to worship with an amazingly dynamic Catholic community on the Base at NAWS China Lake, California. They call themselves Our Lady of the Desert Catholic Community and they worship in the All Faith Chapel on the base.

This little community is a very vibrant one, led by a retired Navy chaplain Fr. James Dowds. C. Ss. R. Fr Dowds was charming and relatable and had a wonderful singing voice. Someone told us that when he first came to the chapel he did all of the music ministry himself, because to him a Mass without music was unthinkable.

The community while small, seems to be very active, with daily Mass and music and religious education ministries as well as other outreaches going on all year.

In fact the chapel on the base is so busy that the 9:00 a.m. Mass is on a time constraint in that the Protestant Community has a worship service that begins at 10:00 a.m. so we Catholics have to get done with Mass and clear out so that our brothers and sisters in faith can begin to prepare for their service.

Today we were lucky enough to be gifted with a musical selection from the protestant community bell choir during communion (I think it was probably their practice session for their service). How great is it that the communities that share the worship space feel that collegial about sharing their gifts. I also watched as the Protestant minister came over to retrieve the wireless microphone from Fr. at our Coffee and donuts so that he could use it at their service. (Fr was still in his vestments when he came over to share coffee and donuts with us).

I will take back a few lessons about Liturgy from this little community of faith that I will be able to bring to my work with the Liturgy committee at my own parish.

Pax

Young Adult Spirituality: Help Is On the Way!!!!

2010-06-08T20:54:00.000-04:00

I am so excited to announce that my friend Fr. Mark Mossa SJ has a book on spirituality for young adults that he has been working on for a long time that is available for pre-order from Amazon. I can assure you that this book will be worth the cost, and a great help to any young adult and anyone who works with young adults. I read a few of the chapters very early in the process and was very impressed.

Please consider placing your pre-order now for delivery in August for all the young adults and young adults ministers you know.

While you are waiting for the book to arrive, Fr. Mark has a website set up:

Spoiler Alert filled with fun posts and extra links that you can use while you are waiting. btw: I added the website to my blogroll on my sidebar.

Pax

Rabid Fandom

2010-05-24T12:55:00.000-04:00

I am finding that in the aftermath of the Lost finale last night there are many on the social network sights that are inconsolable or are not taking well to being teased for their attachment to a show that I never quite got in its six year run. Fans of Lost show it a reverence that is a bit bizarre in my book and are bereft that it is gone.

Don't get me wrong, I love television. I especially love good writing, and was very upset when some of my favorite shows were cancelled, (I actually wrote to the network to try to get them to reconsider the cancellation of Joan of Arcadia), but I have never been one to analyze an end of show episode the way these folks have. It is almost spooky. I made what I thought was a harmless joke as a comment on one person's sight and he lashed back at me and called me intolerant for mocking his love of the show.

I wonder if these same fans are upset with Jimmy Kimmel for his series of Lost the"alternate endings" one of which I hear includes a surprise appearance by Bob Newhart. I didn't see those either, but I bet they were funny even if you hadn't ever seen the show.

Maybe I have a different perspective on the whole thing because I am a writer myself and I realize that all of the things these people are hotly debating are just stuff that somebody made up (as my husband says). In the grand scheme of things it just doesn't matter. Tomorrow, or next week, or next season a new show will come around and people will like it or they will find it oddly familiar in style. Then they will notice that the people who wrote for the show they were crying over the demise of last season are now writing for this new show. Life will go on.

Pax

A Good Read

2010-05-14T09:48:00.003-04:00

I have it on good authority that this book is really good. I am not just saying this because the author happens to be one of my absolute favorite Grad School professors.

Ryan was our Pastoral Ministry professor at St. Meinrad. He is a Psychologist who graduated from West Point. He is the most soft spoken yet intimidating man (I am only half joking here) I have ever met. He taught me so much about myself and how to be a good minister to others in the time I was in his class that I can never thank him enough. He also made me want to be a better writer by making me cry, but that is another story for another day. He continually encourages me to write and share my gift of writing .

His writing is very engaging and the subject matter is very interesting. I would encourage you to read it if you have any interest in emotional maturity.

Pax

What I Learned From Walking 13.1 Miles

2010-05-14T09:41:00.001-04:00

So, most of you know that I trained to walk in the Festival 500 Mini Marathon last weekend. I finished!!! in just over 4 hours. It was the most excruciating, amazing thing I have ever done. I know that I would have been so much faster if I hadn't gotten sick in February and March, but I kept at it, and even though I never quite got back the speed I had built up in early February I never gave up.

I met a woman in the corral before the race and we walked the entire way together. Without her support and companionship I don't know that I would have been able to finish. When I was out of steam she gave me what she had left, and I did the same for her.

We had one bad patch, just after we entered the Speedway. We made the mistake of stopping for a pit stop at what we thought was the designated place, and we waited for almost 15 minutes to use the "facilities". It turned out that there were plenty of "potties" just past the bathrooms where we stopped. What a waste of our time.

Mrangelmeg ran the race and finished in an amazing time of 1:41. I am so proud of him. He is ready to start training for a marathon. I will be right there to cheer him on if he does run in a marathon, but I think 13.1 is the longest distance I ever want to go.

I will admit that this was probably the best run event I have ever seen, and except for the very cold weather, was a lot of fun. You should give it a try.

I also want to give a big shout out to all of my classmates from Terre Haute South Vigo High School class of '78 we might be 50, but we are fabulous, and still BRAVE! Saturday proved that.

Pax

What Catholics Can Learn from Kierkegaard

2010-04-28T12:50:00.002-04:00

Of all the philosophers I read while I was studying for my MA degree, the one that I comprehended the most ( HA, the one I comprehended at all) was Soren Kierkegaard.

This article gives great insight into my understanding of how Kierkegaard viewed faith.

my favorite nugget of wisdom from the article is :

All in all, although Kierkegaard was not a Catholic, he reminds us that the monastic life is a shining example of how Catholics ought to approach their faith. Not by calling for all Catholics to take official vows or wear robes, but calling us to remember that at the heart of it all is a personal Divine Being who is worthy of and desires our simple, personal, and passionate commitment.

Pax

This is . . . well . . . Awesome! The Only Four Chords You'll Ever Need

2010-04-25T07:12:00.004-04:00

These guys are The Axis of Awesome, a comedy group from Australia. Warning they drop a few F-bombs, but the experience so much fun. Wish they would come to the USA.

You've Got Dragons-- Feast of St. George

2010-04-23T13:31:00.007-04:00

Today our Calendar celebrates the feast of St. George. Patron Saint of England, and fighter of a dragon, or so the story goes.

Fr. had a really good homily about that today at the children's mass. You see, the story says that the dragon lived outside the town and the only way the townsfolk could get to their water supply was to "feed the dragon"; first sheep, but then when the sheep supply ran out they began to feed it their children. They cast lots to decide which children would be fed to the dragon.

Fr. said that the dragon was a metaphor for all the evil things that take away the good in our lives. We have to "feed the evil" and it continues to thrives so long as we feed it. It becomes more destructive and more greedy, asking more and more of us.

St. George didn't kill the dragon though. He tamed it. He told the people that there was only one way that the dragon would flee from their homeland, never to return. They had to accept Christ as their savior and be baptized, for Christ has promised that nothing that is His will ever be lost. (John 18:9). The story goes on to say that thousands were converted on that day and "the dragon" was never a problem for them ever again.

A while back one of our instructors read a children's book that made this exact point. It was called You've Got Dragons, by Katherine Cave and Nick Marland.

What are "the dragons" in your life that you must feed? If you simply turn this over to Jesus, and trust that He will protect you, can you have faith that your dragons will be tamed, and then sent away?

Something to ponder.

Pax

Prayers for Pope Benedict XVI

2010-04-11T12:34:00.003-04:00

The Knights of Columbus have called for a Novena (nine days ) of prayers for support of Pope Benedict XVI beginning today and ending on April 19th. Each day, join us in saying the prayer below:

PRAYER FOR POPE BENEDICT XVI
Lord, source of eternal life and truth,
give to your shepherd, Benedict, a spirit
of courage and right judgment, a spirit
of knowledge and love. By governing
with fidelity those entrusted to his care,
may he, as successor to the Apostle
Peter and Vicar of Christ, build your
Church into a sacrament of unity, love
and peace for all the world. Amen.

V/ Let us pray for Benedict, the pope.
R/ May the Lord preserve him,
give him a long life,
make him blessed upon the earth,
and not hand him over
to the power of his enemies.

V/ May your hand
be upon your holy servant.
R/ And upon your son,
whom you have anointed.

Our Father… Hail Mary… Glory Be…
KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS
In Solidarity With Our Holy Father
Adapted from Manual of Prayers
16000 4-10